Parenting Children with Special Needs

Personally, I am ready for the presidential election to be over because I am sick of all the political mudslinging ads. One of my friends, Carol, asked me a question that I had not pondered and I did not know the answer. Can adults with developmental disabilities or delays vote? The simple answer is yes. My initial thought when I was asked this question was that shouldn’t be any reason why those with “disabilities” should not be allowed to vote. People with cognitive and developmental delays hold jobs, drive cars, manage bank accounts, and function in many other day to day activities, so why not be allowed to vote? There are reports of people who have voted while drunk or under the influence of… [more]

We are just starting two months of what can be a nightmare of parents of a child with sensory issues. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year’s are filled with sensory issues. Bright lights, sounds, textures, colors, busy stores, and many other things can cause your child with sensory issues to have meltdowns or struggle this time of year. There are holiday programs in schools and churches which can irritate a sensitive child’s ears. Wearing fancier clothing for parties, or costumes for Halloween can be a nightmare. Factor in all the candy, well meaning relatives, holiday music or screeching sounds can push your child over the edge and cause you to want to run for cover. How do you combat all of these and still manage to… [more]

Last night I got to see something beautiful. Some friends of ours were profiled on the Milwaukee news for building their family through adoption. My friend Dalyn and her husband Alan have ten adopted children. Dalyn also has two biological children from a previous marriage. I often joke with Dalyn that they are the United Nations. Their family is the most multi-cultural family that I know. They have three African American girls who they adopted from foster care, Dalyn’s nephew, who is bi-racial, and six children adopted from other disrupted adoptions that are from Russia, Romania, India and the Ukraine. In addition, most of the family is Jewish. The focus of this story is that they are a large family who chose… [more]

Most parents are familiar with the time-out concept. You put your child on a chair or some other area away from you for a set amount of time as a discipline technique. For most kids this is effective, but in traumatized children it can have a negative effect. Some of our children have been neglected and sending them to their rooms or other area for a time out can aggravate feelings of abandonment or neglect. This can trip a trauma trigger in your child and cause the behaviors you are trying to avoid to become worse. In children with these issues, using a time-in may be more effective. With the time-out the child is away from you. With a time-in you do the… [more]

I have a rare treat coming up this weekend. I will have 24 precious hours all to myself. My husband is one of the chaperones on our church’s confirmation retreat. Our pastor has a daughter that this Hannah’s age, so Hannah will be going along to keep her company. I will be alone. This is the perfect time for me to practice the self-care that I have written about so many times. I could spend this time doing things like cleaning the house, yard work, writing my paper for my bible study class or many other things that need to be done. However, these are precious hours that need to be devoted to me taking care of myself. Sammy is in his… [more]

Formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is not a surprising diagnosis for kids who have been through traumatic events in their lives. People may be frightened by the diagnosis of DID but its existence is perfectly logical. Some of our kids have been through horrific episodes of abuse and neglect. Estimates on the number of kids in foster care who have been sexually abused range from 75% - 85%. In case that isn’t traumatic enough, kids may have also suffered physical and emotional abuse as well as neglect in addition to the sexual abuse. Is it really any wonder that they develop ways to cope with the abuse? Rape victims sometimes report that they dissociate during the rape… [more]

Every so often on different on-line support groups some pretty heated discussions can take place over what people call their kids. A parent may refer to their child as their RADish or RADlet or their Aspie. These are meant to be ways to distinguish the child they are talking about from their other children. The debate and argument comes from other parents feeling that the first parent is distinguishing their child as their disability. Personally, these “names” don’t bother me because I know that the parents involved love their kids and that these things are not said in anger. OK, sometimes they are angry with the child they are discussing, but it’s not meant to be a damaging thing and it’s not said in… [more]

The Nebraska Safe Haven law was a very badly written law and the results were predictable. The law was very open ended and allowed parents to surrender children up to the age of 18. Then intent was to allow birth mothers the opportunity to relinquish a child they could not care for and prevent them from making other deadly decisions. Legislators could not agree on an upper age limit so they left it open to say “a child” and now teenagers are being surrendered. There is a bright spot to this very bad law. USA Today ran an article on this law pointing out something we are all too well are of. The lack of mental health services for families who… [more]

I love this story. Why didn’t someone think of this years ago? If you have a child with ADHD, is energetic or fidgety, you know that school can become a battle ground. Johnny won’t sit still. Johnny won’t stay in his seat. Johnny is always fidgeting. It can be frustrating for both the parent and the child and the child truly can’t help it. It is a chemical disorder in the child’s brain. There is good news. A teacher decided to work with these kids and designed a desk that allows kids to stand up while at their desk, which also allows them to “fidget” by shifting their weight, moving their feet or whatever else they need to do. Another… [more]

My friend, Elaine, added a new child to her family with a diagnosis that I was totally unfamiliar with. I don’t claim to be an expert on special needs adoption, but I typically hear the same two dozen or so disorders when I talk to other parents. This one threw me for a loop and Elaine and I both researched it. I went with Elaine to pick up this little boy and offer my insights as an impartial observer. I noticed obvious speech difficulties, possibly Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), attachment issues, sensory integration issues and a few things I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Here is where the Dyspraxia comes into play. All those things that I observed appeared to be several different… [more]