Parenting Children with Special Needs

Beauty was accepted into an Early Childhood Education program in our school district. She actually starts on March 22, but that issue--as well as my mixed feelings on said topic--is for another place and time. Bella has more than a handful of appointments--a NICU follow up, another auditory exam, her pediatric ophthalmologist, her Early Intervention assessments, and so on--lined up over the next few months. Today, I broke down and purchased something I hadn't even considered in years. I bought a true-to-life, paper datebook and planner. Listen, I'll be the first to admit that most of my life is on my smart phone. Truly. I program in old memories (for instance, four years ago today I was at… [more]

By nature, I am a worrier. I do it all the time, even though most people who know me--even those who know me well--would never expect to hear such a declaration from my mouth. What do I worry about the most? In a nutshell? My kids. (But what mother doesn't worry, right?) I sometimes get a little carried away in my worries, but for the most part, I do a reasonably fair job of balancing them with the rest of my life. Well, at least I think it's reasonable, anyway. When we adopted Bella, we knew she was born with some special needs. Suffice to say, it's a whole new level of worry for yours truly. Don't get me wrong. Not all… [more]

Part of Bella's diagnosis of Septo-Optic Dysplasia infringes upon her vision (read as: her optic nerves are very, very small, and it is believed that she can maybe see the difference in extreme change in light, but it is not certain at this time). We knew about Bella's diagnosis and visual impairment prior to our decision to adopt; however, even being as prepared as as we could be, there have been definite challenges along the way. Almost one month in as a family of five, I've clearly noticed the way Bella's visual impairment has touched our interactions with her. If your baby has a visual impairment, there are certain adjustments you can make right off the bat. For starters, we never… [more]

Today held two noteworthy events: 1. We went to court to start the process of legally adopting our youngest daughter, Bella. 2. I was taken aback for the first time by something that was said about Bella's special needs. Suffice to say, the latter soured a few moments of my day, but I did not allow it to take away from the happiness of the occasion. Court was...court. It was a happy (albeit hectic) event. Since this is our third "go round" with family court (where adoptions are concerned), we knew the drill pretty well. I only label the situation as hectic because we're still not incredibly adept at wrangling a three year old, a two year old, and a four month old. Overall, a great… [more]

Bella is visually impaired. I know I've mentioned this in prior blogs, but today it's not about Bella's experience. It's not about my experience. It's about Bear's. And Beauty's. But mainly Bear's. Bear is inching up on his fourth birthday, and he understands things at a deeper level than Beauty (her developmental delays benchmark her comprehension at about a year less than her physical age). When we brought Bella home, he was excited beyond words. He still is, actually. He walked right up to her and said, "Hi, my name is Bear. And I'm your brother." It was so sweet, but I digress. Once Bella was wide awake and reasonably interested in her surroundings, the big questions began. "Mom," asked Bear, "why isn't… [more]

Ahh, guilt. It seems to be a hot button issue in special needs parenting. I've spoken at length with several fellow special needs moms--some adoptive, some biological. One mother/friend who has two biological children with special needs said it best: "Adoptive parents of kids with special needs have a different kind of guilt. Biological parents usually feel--at least initially--that this is somehow their fault; they feel guilty for the challenges their child will face. But adoptive parents have the choice to walk away if they feel that can't meet a child's special needs. And that carries just as much guilt." I honestly couldn't have put it better myself. Guilt in parenting no matter how you slice it. Not really… [more]

Since we've welcomed Bella into our family, we've answered a lot of questions about her diagnosis and possible limitations she might one day face. We have also answered the following question time and time again: why choose to adopt a child with special needs? My answer always starts off the same: why not? Allow me to explain in two parts: the why and the how. The why is pretty basic; it started with our Guatemalan adoption. When we received Beauty's referral, it came with a host of gorgeous pictures, a short video clip, and a medical report that, start-to-finish, topped out at about a quarter of a page. Her medical stated her time of birth, her length, weight, and… [more]

Hi. I'm new here. Not to adoptionblogs, but to this blog: Parenting Children with Special Needs. I currently blog here for adoptive parenting, Guatemala, international adoption, and now, parenting children with special needs. If you happened upon my most recent post in adoptive parenting, you probably already know that I'm now a mother of three, having just welcomed home our newest daughter--a baby girl who is just over four months old. My youngest daughter, "Bella", came to our family though domestic open adoption. We were well aware of her special needs prior to our decision to adopt; her birth mom formed an adoption plan prior to Bella's diagnosis. In short, Bella's special needs had nothing to do with… [more]

Personally, I am ready for the presidential election to be over because I am sick of all the political mudslinging ads. One of my friends, Carol, asked me a question that I had not pondered and I did not know the answer. Can adults with developmental disabilities or delays vote? The simple answer is yes. My initial thought when I was asked this question was that shouldn’t be any reason why those with “disabilities” should not be allowed to vote. People with cognitive and developmental delays hold jobs, drive cars, manage bank accounts, and function in many other day to day activities, so why not be allowed to vote? There are reports of people who have voted while drunk or under the influence of… [more]

We are just starting two months of what can be a nightmare of parents of a child with sensory issues. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year’s are filled with sensory issues. Bright lights, sounds, textures, colors, busy stores, and many other things can cause your child with sensory issues to have meltdowns or struggle this time of year. There are holiday programs in schools and churches which can irritate a sensitive child’s ears. Wearing fancier clothing for parties, or costumes for Halloween can be a nightmare. Factor in all the candy, well meaning relatives, holiday music or screeching sounds can push your child over the edge and cause you to want to run for cover. How do you combat all of these and still manage to… [more]