Parenting Children with Special Needs

For some time, Bunny has been experiencing a reoccurring nightmare.  She dreams monsters come in our house and eat our entire family, except for her.  She is left alone with no parents, no home, and no place to go. The dream follows the same script with a few variations.  Once the monsters burned the house down and roasted us inside.  They have tried smashing the house, but when they were unsuccessful, they went to our barn and ate all of the animals.  The rest of the dream is always the same, we end up dead and Bunny ends up alone. We’ve tried countless times to help Bunny with the dreams that leave her overtired and unsettled.  Once we talked her through a dream… [more]

Sometimes I wonder if I am screwing up my kids or if they are screwing up me.  A part of me has always thought that somehow my mother’s issues became my issues, and as hard as I try not to be like my mother…I’ve become my mother.  Frankly, I think mothers are the reason therapists have jobs. So, as I raise my daughters, I worry how much my issues and neuroses have affected them.  Am I setting them up for years of therapy? Therapy around our house is commonplace.  For the last six years, one or all of us has seen a therapist on a fairly regular basis.  Therapy has helped us diagnosis, understand, and cope with our children’s reactive attachment disorder. It’s not just… [more]

Well hallelujah I found one, a behavior program that actually works. A friend told me about the University of Utah's Neuropsychiatric Institute's program that they use on their inpatient unit, and we've been using it for the last couple of weeks. Dare I hope that the calm that has settled over our house will stay? Points and privileges are the keys to the program, and getting kids to view parents as the givers of all things good, rather than the takers away. First, I made a list of all the activities throughout the day that my kids can get points for. My friend's kids could earn 4 points a day, mine can earn 14. (I use a different program for my 15-year-old that I… [more]

My 15-year-old son has given me reason lately to wonder whether he carries more shame than his peers. About a week ago, I found my husband's Iphone upstairs where the kids bedrooms are and where it definitely did not have permission to be. I asked all three kids and all three kids denied using (aka stealing) it. My husband asked all three kids and they denied it to him. We asked all three kids together and they still all three denied it. It was quite a dilemma since they all lie. Who to believe? Or rather, who not to believe? Sleuth that I am, I called AT&T to get as much info as I could. They told me someone… [more]

I once had a stress fracture in college.  I was teaching five aerobics classes a week, on a concrete floor, in thin leather dance shoes.  I looked really cute and fit, but the combination was bad for my leg. Stress fractures aren’t an actual break in the bone and you can’t really see them on an x-ray, but they are incredibly painful and if not treated, they can create more complex problems later. I have a stress fracture right now, but it isn’t in my bones. It is in my marriage. I adore and love my husband and I know he feels the same about me, but after years of dealing with two children with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), our relationship is suffering from the stress. My… [more]

Having three special needs kids, I have tried literally dozens of behavior programs over the years, but still haven't found anything that really works. The latest idea (from my next door neighbor) was to pay my 8-year-old a nickel every time he did something he was supposed to do and take a nickel away every time he failed to do something or did something naughty. That lasted about a week. It was great when Justin was getting the nickels, but when he lost a nickel, he became so upset and angry that it was worse than the naughty behavior that lost him the nickel in the first place. If I would tell him that he had lost a nickel for that behavior, it just… [more]

Today was the first day of school and after seven years of practice, I think we've almost got it. It's helpful to know your children well enough that you can anticipate their reactions and help them compensate for their weaknesses. I have one in high school, one in junior high and one in elementary school, all with different schedules, start times and finish times. It's a little bit like being in a Paris train station with the destinations, arrival and departure times whipping around the boards continuously. I knew Gavin (10th grade) was going to be very anxious until he actually got to school this morning, so I didn't worry too much about him trying to sleep all day yesterday, or… [more]

I'm so proud of my two oldest kids. Today my daughter went to a friend's house and helped clean it. She said the mom told her, "You are such a good girl to help clean." I know she's a good cleaner because I'm the one that taught her -- and make her practice every week -- but I think the desire to work comes from her. My oldest son has a reputation for hard work in our neighborhood and at scout camps and church activities. Many times, I've been told by a neighbor or a leader that Gavin really worked hard, stayed focused and got a lot done. I don't think I taught him anything. He is just a good hard… [more]

Justin, Justin, Justin. He’s calmer and less of a motor-mouth on his new ADHD medication, but we’ve been watching for 11 days and there’s no question that he is much MUCH more whiny and petulant. He had a touch of that already, but it’s so excessive now that I asked the doctor if we could try a new medication. When my oldest son had to start taking medication for ADHD and Depression, it took us a few months to find the right meds in the right combinations. This is only one med and we’re now going to try the one that works for my two older kids so hopefully it works for Justin. I asked Justin his opinion about whether he thought… [more]

Just last week, my 8-year-old started ADHD medication. My older two (15 and 13) had started in junior high. Neither of my older two are hyperactive, so there were no behavior problems in school (other than my 13-year-old talking too much to all her friends). But they couldn’t focus, organize, remember or discipline themselves to stay on task in a six-period day. I had been hoping against hope that my youngest would never need medication. He has had some behavior problems in school (chatty, lots of energy, seeming unwillingness to buckle down and work), but I was hoping they were just normal little boy problems. I told myself I wouldn’t medicate him unless he wasn’t able to function in school and that we… [more]