Our daughter came to live with us just weeks before her fourth birthday. After nine months of doctors’ appointments and evaluations, her previous foster family finally called it quits. They did not feel competent to deal with her special needs nor a mentally retarded child. They adopted her two younger sisters a couple of years later. We had provided respite a couple of times so we already knew her. We knew she was cute and sweet albeit a bit on the wild side, but so are most of our children. Originally thought to have an IQ in the mildly retarded range it has continued... more

Our daughter just finished the eighth grade, well sort of; she is making up three classes over summer school. She has been attending homeschool for the past four years. We didn’t feel that she was challenged enough in special education. That was part of our decision to homeschool our learning disabled daughter. However, she struggled with stealing, forgery, cheating, and lying at public school as well. I understand these are common problems among children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. However, now we are considering reintroducing her to public school for high school. Public... more

Ok, Super Dad has tried to tell me over the years. But, I did not want to listen. Why didn’t I want to listen or believe him? I suppose that would be admitting that our daughter is not going to get better. During her first year of living with us therapist, teachers, and foster care workers all praised her progress. Then she turned five and continued to make progress that surprised many. By the time she was six, I believed that her original delays were from lack of early stimulation. Yes, we could fix her and that year we adopted her.

She had always taken... more

A wise friend, Rachel, and I were chatting about our daughters. Both 14-year-old teenagers, both adopted as young children, not infants, both exposed to alcohol before birth. A combination of the Fetal Alcohol exposure, poor early parenting, and possibly genetics has left our daughters challenged. They are challenged academically, developmentally, and socially. That seems to be very common with children like ours. Rachel pointed out that most teenagers are thinking about the direction they will take in life. Most teenagers spend more time with friends and try to... more

When you have children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or effect, you come to expect the good days and the bad. You so appreciate the good days. Sometimes you become stuck thinking that is how your children should act all of the time. You may even think that your children could act that way if they wanted. Probably you are getting a glimpse of how your children would be if they had not been exposed to alcohol while forming. Unfortunately, they were exposed to alcohol and it has messed up their brains forever. Trust me; they are not any happier about it than you are.

While... more

I have been quite impressed by my 14-year-old daughter’s honesty during the last several visits we have made to her psychiatrist. With each visit, she seems to open up a little more to him. This is important for several reasons. First, she is nearing adulthood and would like to live on her own someday. Therefore, it is important for her to not only own her disability but also begin taking over the management of it. Secondly, the doctor cannot help her if she is not honest about how she is doing and feeling. While her doctor and I can see the outward results of her actions,... more

I almost could not believe my ears as I listened to the story. My own daughter sat there in disbelief as I continued to ask pointed questions about how she succeeded. Her story is similar to my own daughter’s story because they share birthparents. She is the older sister, and they lived in the same home until shortly after my daughter turned three. Like my daughter, she has struggled over the years with lying, stealing, cutting, and destroying property that was not hers. Her lying was worse than my daughter’s lying, because at 15 she began making terrible accusations about... more

We have a teenage daughter who has FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) whom we adopted at the age of six. Conversations with her can be difficult. Sometimes she misinterprets our words and sometimes she acts before we finish talking. There are even times when we tell her very clearly what she should do, but she does something else. She seems to have preconceived ideas about what she is going to do and doesn't really listen to our instructions. The older she gets the worse these habits seem to be getting. Life with her at home can be quite challenging. I find myself being frustrated... more

Over the 14 years of providing a foster home to children, we have gotten used to many behaviors. You might even be surprised to know what we consider normal that is unless you have been a foster parent to toddlers and older children yourself. The children with passive aggressive behaviors far outnumber the “in your face” outspoken children in foster care. The outspoken children will tell you where to shove it so you know exactly what they are thinking. The passive aggressive children say “yes” to your face, and then break something or make a mess. It no... more

Please offer your honest opinion as adoptive parents and as birthparents. Is it mean to deny an adopted child sugar? Would your answer be different if the child had plenty of sugar before entering your family as an older adopted child? Then would it be mean to deny the child sugar until adulthood? Would your answer be different if the child was a birth child? Honestly, I struggle with this issue. My teenage daughter entered our family as a four-year-old foster child and we adopted her at the age of six. Several years ago, we realized that sugar has a profound effect on her... more