I must be an old timer, if the tune in my head today is Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now. But it’s the background music as I mull over the conversation I had with a friend at dinner last night. She’s a close friend, and she works as a special needs parapro at a local elementary school, doing an awesome job of handling some very challenging students.

She was telling me the story of a student who has returned to their classroom after moving for several months to another school district. The grapevine says that the other district kicked the child out for... more

Does your adopted child have difficulty in school, with relationships, and processing information? Have you ever wondered if your child may have been exposed to alcohol while in utero, but thought there was no way to ever know for sure? Some children have facial features that indicate fetal alcohol exposure. Some of these indicating features are small eyes, low-set ears, or lack of a groove between the upper lip and nose to name a few. For children without these features we could only guess about fetal alcohol effect if we did not have contact with birth family. Now Researchers... more

I am curious if “me first syndrome” is one of the symptoms of fetal alcohol exposure. My teenage daughter has always suffered from this syndrome of me first, as did one of my now adult daughters. When they were quite young, I assumed that they would grow out of me first syndrome. I thought back then that it was caused by the depravity they had suffered so early in life. I suppose that may be part of the cause, which is probably compounded by the delayed maturation that many of our traumatized children experience. Then you add in the lack of impulse control so common in children... more

I have been trying to teach my daughter who is now 14 how to write a sentence correctly for the past six years. I suggested that she read her sentences aloud to know if they made sense or not. She informed Super Dad last year that she refused to use that countermeasure because it was just plain stupid. Her refusal to use this countermeasure has increasingly irritated me as she has worked through five copies of the same third grade grammar and language books never showing improvement.

Everyday, I would look at her work and say the same things. What goes at the end of a sentence?... more

You know, we spend a lot of time discussing our special needs adopted children’s bazaar behaviors and our frustration at their inability to modify their behaviors. These adopted children seem unable to eliminate their problem behaviors even after their parents have consistently responded and doled out consequences for years. My friend and peer in parenting, Rachel, recently made a great point. We parents cannot seem to get it through our heads that consequences will not work with these children, so we continue to dole them out and frustrate ourselves. Another of our respected... more

Does your adopted child lack impulse control? Our 14-year-old daughter with fetal alcohol syndrome, who we adopted at the age of six, sure does. While that has been clear to Super Dad and me for many years, it was blatantly obvious today. She took credits (I’ll explain below) two days in a row for hugging her parents and saying, “I love you,” when she hadn’t done that. Now, if you were going to take credits that you didn’t earn, would you choose that one? Obviously, your parents are going to know if you hugged them or not. I believe it is the result of her lack of... more

Actual conversations that took place today, between my 14-year-old daughter Lyn and me, her adoptive mom. She has fetal alcohol syndrome and learning disabilities and I am homeschooling her.

“Hey mom is this rug dirty?” Lyn asked.

“No, it isn’t” I responded.

A couple of hours later I was putting laundry in the washer and found the rug in the hamper. “Lyn, why did you put this rug in the laundry hamper? You asked me if it was... more

Baby sister was screaming. Our eight-year-old son, Ty, ran to the kitchen holding her and crying. He tearfully said that she got hurt. The 14 year old, Lyn who has FAS, was standing behind him. I looked at her and she said, “I accidentally hit her.” I snatched my baby up and looked at her. Her eye was swelled shut and there was a small cut, just under her eye, that was beginning to bleed. I grabbed an icepack from the freezer and held it to her eye while I dropped into a chair. Baby sister continued to scream for the next 30 minutes while I held the icepack... more

I have been having some frustrating conversations with my 14-year-old daughter who has a learning disability and fetal alcohol syndrome, FAS. Lately, whenever I ask her a question about something, she tells me what she is currently doing. That is frustrating because her response has nothing to do with the question that I asked her. Whether this has something to do with her learning disability or her FAS I don’t know, but I do know that it only started last week. She has been part of our family for 10 years.

Yesterday, for example, she was outside playing army with... more

My friend Rachel had the following observation about her daughter’s reaction to consequences during one of my recent posts. I wanted to share it with you because she offers insight into the mixed processing of children with fetal alcohol syndrome. She also shares the frustration that so many of us feel while parenting our children with fetal alcohol syndrome when they don’t seem to learn anything from their experiences.

“Things... more