I am by no means an expert on children’s grief. But, having been through a family death recently (and the loss of three of LuLu’s grandparents in the decade she’s been in our family), I can offer you the insights I have for dealing with special needs children and their responses to death…or at least MY special needs child and HER responses to death.

Keep in mind that our children will each respond as differently as we do. Some people cry, some are angry, some don’t want to talk about it and some want to talk about it non-stop. Our children’s responses are really... more

Parents of special needs children are always swimming in uncharted waters. And when it comes to the topic of death and grief, we don’t get a pass on that either. I was reminded of just how “goofy” LuLu’s grief appears when another mother was describing her son’s reaction to a recent death in their lives. It seems that a teenager who participates in the same sporting league as her son (son is much younger) died recently.

Her son’s reaction to this news was all over the place emotionally. I can relate. The most frustrating (and appalling, if you’re not ready... more

Complicated grief treatment has not been standardized according to the article from the Mayo Clinic because mental health providers are still learning about the condition. Mixed results have been seen using various treatments. A new type of psychotherapy called complicated grief treatment, or complicated grief therapy has shown big benefits according to some studies. This therapy is comprehensive and intense. It borrows from cognitive behavior therapy, and trauma therapy.

Part of this... more

When reading or hearing information I tend to think about how the information is relevant for my family. Usually it ends up having adoption or special needs significance for me since that has been my life for the past 14 years. When I saw an article entitled “Complicated Grief” from the Mayo Clinic I automatically assumed it had to do with the loss and grief that foster children suffer when separated from their birth families. Instead, the article was about the grief associated with the death... more

My early morning flight out of Tampa yesterday was more invigorating that a cup of coffee. Squeezed in like sardines (the flight was FULL), I sat in the same row as a woman from Paris headed to Baltimore and a grandfather headed to Maine. As we all chatted about where we were going and why, the conversation casually turned to children. When the man asked our seat mate how old her son was, she responded that he was 28.

“Twenty-eight was how old my son was when he died.” And this began the story of how this man’s son had died of an overdose of Methadone,... more

You should stay at home as much as possible so you don’t miss any phone calls. If you must leave the house, do so only for short periods of time. Many social workers will go to the next name and phone number on their placement list, rather than leave you a message or try your alternate phone number. This is especially true if the potential placement happens to be an infant with very few special needs, whom they can easily place.

It is imperative for you to have a cell phone, and never turn it off. Give your home number and... more

I found myself in “the” situation again. I never anticipate it; never expect it; am always caught off-guard. “The” situation is being faced with a “successful” international adoption of a seemingly healthy child– you know – the dream I used to have that didn’t come to fruition.

Kay had volunteered to play her cello in a quartet at her friend’s viola recital (so the friend wouldn’t have to play a solo). So I found myself sitting in our church sanctuary and watching a couple dozen violin and viola students perform. I know a great deal about... more

May is our anniversary month of losing Lillie so she’s on my mind more than usual. She came to our family as a chubby two month old and stayed with us for 18 months. She has been gone for three years now. It still hurts when I think about her or look at her pictures, but at least I can look at the pictures now without falling apart. I’m not in constant tears anymore, as I was that first summer. Actually, I don’t remember most of that first summer. I know I painted everything inside and outside of our house, from the bathroom... more