As an adoptive parent who started out as a foster parent, I frequently wondered if a specific child’s behavior was normal or age appropriate. I had many long discussions with caseworkers assigned to my children about their behaviors and the possible causes. Over the 14 years we have been foster parents, Super Dad and I have racked up literally hundreds of training hours on special needs subjects like lying, stealing, and passive-aggressive behaviors, which has not helped in answering this question. I was reminded of this question the other day when I read Faith’s blog about, “... more

I gotta tell you all about the wonderful parents I have contact with everyday – moms (and some dads) who are volunteering as staff for ATN. Everyday I’m astonished by two things about these people:

1. how they continue to make time to reach out to other families in crisis and to forward the mission of ATN, which is support, education and advocacy for traumatized children and their families. These parents do this even as their own family situations remain challenging. At any given moment one or more of our staff has a child who is placed outside the home... more

I have received comments from readers and friends, that one of the main reasons they enjoy reading what I write, is because it makes them feel more normal. We all have bad days, and even the most patient person in the world can get frustrated and irritable with the day in and day out of living with a special needs child. That is why finding a support group is so important. You need to find a support group or at least supportive people who also have special needs children.

Nobody else is going to understand what you are going... more

I came across an article called 101 Inexpensive Ways to Say, “I love you,” to increase the romance in your life. I knew immediately that I needed to read the list, not for help with romance, but to find helpful tips for showing and creating affection for older-child, and special-needs adopted children. My blog-mate Julie did an article a couple of months ago where she created a list of all the things she liked about her special needs daughter. Then she made a list of all the things she didn’t like and it was the longer of the two. I was able... more

This morning I took one of my teens to the dentist. While waiting, I had the opportunity to talk to a foster mom that I mentored several years ago, in a program for new foster parents. It was an encounter that must have been ordained. Both of us desperately needed to hear what the other had to say and we couldn’t have waited much longer.

Ironically, she and I are going through nearly identical adoption experiences this year. We both have nine-year-old daughters that have lived in our homes for more than two years. Both daughters have had... more

I have to tell you that I’ve been seriously mislead by my dentist whom I’ve trusted for years. A few months ago they told me that I needed to consider getting a crown. Well I thought, finally someone has recognized my regal qualities and the need for a public display of my position, so all may recognize me when I arrive.

I arrived happily at my appointment the other morning, prepared for my crowning. I even sat in the dentist chair with enthusiasm. My first clue that this wasn’t something wonderful was when the dentist came at me with a big needle. “Hey, why do... more

A reader asked me for some tips for getting your child to obey so I decided to share them on my blog too, since I practically wrote her back a book. This probably wasn’t exactly what she expected, Grin!

It’s been my experience with damaged children that they aren't about to obey someone that they don't have a vested interest in. Keep in mind they've lost everything. You may be thinking that your child came from a hovel what could she possibly have lost or what could she miss? She lost her bed, it was comfortable and it was hers. She lost her favorite play area, her best friend, her toys, maybe her favorite foods, and maybe her favorite smell, but whatever it was, it was hers,... more

If you have a large family you may have been subjected to this question as well as many others. While grocery shopping with my children I’ve had complete strangers ask me if I’m Catholic. Others have asked me if I know about birth control. Many people have asked if they’re all mine, to which I will answer yes. One outspoken and rather rude man then said, “Do they all have the same father?” To which I had to answer, “No, and they don’t all have the same mother either.” He gave me a really strange look, I smiled and walked... more

I’ve noticed that my daughter keeps getting older, well chronologically any way, but her friends don’t. She seems to have to change friends every year or two so that she can keep her friends in that six to eight year old age group. Luckily for her, here at home, we just keep getting more children (some people just don’t know how to say, no more) and so she keeps moving down the line in which one she plays with. When one child gets too old to play with her, at her level, she moves to the next younger one.

Currently her best friend seems to... more

We made it! We’re now officially moved and living in the new town. While the boxes are mostly unpacked (or shoved in the garage until a later date) and the kids settled into their new room, our new house routines and habits have yet to form.

Which is my way of saying, I haven't yet found a way to carve out a niche of time to write regularly yet. (Today the kids are sleeping in a bit, so I'm at the kitchen table with my laptop typing quietly before I head into work.)

Just to let you know, Jay is doing good. Actually he’s doing exceptionally well. I'm really impressed with his newly developed coping abilities. Actually, I'm rather blown away by it.

Craig had a few teary... more