There are many times on the ATN listserves where a parent comments that she tried Nancy Thomas’ approach or Love & Logic or another therapist’s recommendations and it “didn’t work” for her child. This is the reason that there are so many different parenting strategies for children who are struggling with attachment and trauma issues, or those with behavior that are associated with developmental or emotional disorders.

But sometimes the approach isn’t working because it isn’t clearly understood. I found this to be the case for me... more

As you probably know if you’ve been reading this blog, Nancy and I are at the NACAC conference. It’s great to be able to spend the days together. Nancy and I work daily on the effort that is ATN, but we rarely get to be in the same physical place with each other while we’re working.

It’s fun though, to see our completely different styles, completely different strengths and weaknesses. Both Nancy and I have a heart for frazzled parents and for their traumatized, challenging... more

I hate it when someone starts a sentence to me with those words. Some will say it’s because I am a control freak, but I submit that it’s because I’ve just heard them too many times. Those words are usually an indication that I’m about to get some unsolicited advice (or another assignment to my “to do” list by someone trying to pass their work on to me).

My latest encounter with “what you need to do is…” came this morning in a situation that has some Mom Guilt attached to it, so I was even more frustrated. Last spring our request for the insurance to cover having Kay’s wisdom teeth... more

In a society where over 50% of all marriages end in divorce, learning that marriages where one (or more) of the children has a special need have an even higher divorce rate is not big surprise. Yet, divorce can be even a bigger tragedy in a special needs family than in other families.

As a person who has been down that path, I can tell you that the only thing more stressful, more grief-ridden, more full of life-altering challenges than divorce is parenting a child with special needs. I can’t imagine doing both together! I divorced years... more

How did I “do it” when I worked full-time after adopting LuLu, or even part-time? Looking back on the evolution of our family and my life that has made me a full-time stay-at-home mom to LuLu I wonder how I ever squeezed one more thing into my already jam-packed day. I think there were many things I just wasn’t doing -- many things that special needs children need.

The main thing I wasn't doing was being a full-time case manager. Children with as many disabilities as LuLu need a full-time case manager. I hear that some foster children actually have paid... more

A world so lacking in integrity begs the question…where do children learn integrity? Well, the obvious answer is from their parents. And this can definitely be even more challenging for children coming from the backgrounds of abuse, trauma and neglect.

Integrity is deeply rooted in respect – of others and of ourselves. And in order to learn respect a child must have received respect. Therein lies the breakdown for our traumatized children. Their wounded souls have been deeply disrespected. Their trust has been broken. Restoring their self-image... more

The major life lesson for me over the last year or two has been one of Integrity. What is Integrity? Dictionary.com defines it as:

adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

Simple in definition; complex in application. Yet, my life lesson has been to learn that the world is sorely lacking in integrity and if there is one gift I can give to my children…the ones with special needs included…it is to teach integrity.

I... more

While rummaging around on adoption.com I ran across this article on Parenting Style and Its Correlates. Although the research is around 15 years old and many parenting experts define the “types” of parents differently, the information is incredibly valid.

These researchers, typed parenting styles into Authoritarian (high demand; low nurture), Indulgent (high nurture; low demand), Authoritative (high... more

Dr. Ross Greene’s approach to helping explosive, inflexible children is actually quite different than most behavioral approaches. Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) requires that you truly shift out of the mode of trying to “fix” the behavior through rewards and punishments.

The immediate goal of this approach is to lessen and shorten the “meltdowns” these inflexible children so often have. Anyone living with an explosive child knows how totally draining (and often debilitating) these meltdowns... more

“LuLu really needs a very structured environment,” my friend commented as we discussed Spring Break and my indecision about how much school work to pursue with LuLu during this week. She was right, but her words overwhelmed me. Just like the task overwhelms me. I’ve always been praised by others as an organized person; not quite as organized as Super Dad, mind you; but in the corporate world I was able to pull together events, meetings or projects with precision. I’m a pretty structured person.

But parenting a special needs child definitely tests your ability to provide structure in the midst of pure chaos. Take this week (the week after Spring Break) as an example. While last... more