I’ve been following a discussion about praising our special children on an internet support group. The topic has been about whether praise is healthy or harmful to children and about why children react negatively to our attempts to praise them. I blogged on this early this month, but there's so much to consider.

Praising a child may truly not be the best thing for them, especially if it's "overdone" in their eyes. I say this knowing that our society is “praise happy”... more

Julia’s blog from yesterday got me thinking about what I would do with a daughter who chronically steals and whether or not this behavior is attention-getting and done “purposefully”. Rachel, one of our precious readers, commented that her daughter doesn’t have the cause and effect thinking to be purposefully trying to be more difficult and grab more attention. I think this is true for LuLu as well. The difficult behaviors stem mostly from a lack of impulse control and... more

Part of family traditions is expecting the same things to happen every year no matter what. For children newly adopted into your family the first year can be a little confusing. There are so many new faces and names to learn, let alone trying to figure out how you are related to each one. I suppose it is somewhat like being newly married. Every year we go to Grandma Fuller’s home on Christmas Eve and my husband’s brother and sister, along with their children are always there. She always has pizza for dinner and we all bring a finger food side dish.

Grandma... more

Dani and I went out together this afternoon on a shopping spree. We left the other children at home and had mommy and daughter time. She certainly did not earn a shopping spree; her behavior over the past year has been quite naughty. However, we have a very special occasion coming up which requires a new dress and it seemed appropriate for mommy and daughter to do the shopping together. Her adoption will be finalized on Tuesday at the National Adoption Day ceremony. We didn’t just shop for a new dress because the press will be there and the event is open to the public.

It... more

This is an important concept and an important step in a child’s emotional development. Object permanence is the term used to describe that a person cognitively understands that a thing is still there even when you can’t see it any more.

Jean Piaget was the psychologist that researched this and determined that healthy infants between the ages of 8 to 9 months usually develop this. In other words, when Mom is not where they can see her doesn’t mean that she no longer exists.

Children who have been neglected during those critical developmental stages often... more

When I leave the house, even just for a few minutes, some of my adopted children seem to go crazy. They have been known to grab food and run to their bedrooms, throw temper tantrums, threaten to runaway, or begin making random telephone calls. One of my readers suggested there was a problem with one of my adopted daughter’s ability to self-regulate. When I attended a support group meeting last week I brought the issue up with the therapist running the group.

The therapist felt the problem was driven by anxiety and she had an idea that she thought might... more

Is it hard for you, as the mom of a child with special needs, to admit that you truly don’t LIKE your kid? It shouldn’t be. In that elusive parenting manual that doesn’t come with our kids there needs to be a chapter explaining that it’s ok not to LIKE your kid, even though you LOVE him. (Personally I think all parents of adolescents are caught in this state much of the time, whether they admit it or not.)

But announcing to the world, or just yourself, that you don’t like your kid is a difficult thing to do. It goes against all the things we’ve been taught in “mommy... more

There are many times on the ATN listserves where a parent comments that she tried Nancy Thomas’ approach or Love & Logic or another therapist’s recommendations and it “didn’t work” for her child. This is the reason that there are so many different parenting strategies for children who are struggling with attachment and trauma issues, or those with behavior that are associated with developmental or emotional disorders.

But sometimes the approach isn’t working because it isn’t clearly understood. I found this to be the case for me... more

Dr. Ross Greene’s approach to helping explosive, inflexible children is actually quite different than most behavioral approaches. Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) requires that you truly shift out of the mode of trying to “fix” the behavior through rewards and punishments.

The immediate goal of this approach is to lessen and shorten the “meltdowns” these inflexible children so often have. Anyone living with an explosive child knows how totally draining (and often debilitating) these meltdowns... more

“LuLu really needs a very structured environment,” my friend commented as we discussed Spring Break and my indecision about how much school work to pursue with LuLu during this week. She was right, but her words overwhelmed me. Just like the task overwhelms me. I’ve always been praised by others as an organized person; not quite as organized as Super Dad, mind you; but in the corporate world I was able to pull together events, meetings or projects with precision. I’m a pretty structured person.

But parenting a special needs child definitely tests your ability to provide structure in the midst of pure chaos. Take this week (the week after Spring Break) as an example. While last... more