I just commented on one of Marie’s blogs last week about this, “It's Not Always About Adoption!” I confessed to Marie that after 14 years of foster care and adoption I sometimes still cannot tell the difference between an adoption issue and a child issue. I made the wrong call today, a couple of times. Bring out the crow; I’ll eat it for supper. My 10-year-old daughter, adopted in November, was having quite a day. I thought her behavior was passive aggressive. Yup, I thought she was... more

I am not going to do it and you can’t make me do it. My 10-year-old daughter did not say that in words, but you could see it in her eyes, in her stance, and by looking at the work, she had finished so far. We had apparently come to an impasse. I was determined that she would finish her schoolwork and turn it in on time. She was determined that she would finish her work when and if she felt like it, and turn it in when and if she felt like it.

It is comical when you think about it. A 10 year old child who weighs 68 pounds, and stands about 54 inches high, standing up to... more

Encopresis in children prior to four years of age may be a potty training or developmental issue and typically is not considered a behavior problem. The problem is when the bowel movement is placed somewhere other than into the toilet by the older child at regular intervals, at least once a month. The passage of the stool may be voluntary, involuntary, formed, semi-formed, or liquid.

First, a parent should rule out medical, mental, or developmental issues for the encopresis by scheduling a complete physical and or psychological exam. If the child is found competent then... more

There is much I agree with in Dr. Perry’s book, The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog. But in the chapter I was reading today, he lands squarely on the evils of attachment therapy…and in specific…on holding. I bristled when I read this, because I think attachment therapists get a repeated bad rap. So many of them recognize the trauma our children have endured and realize the critical importance of attachment. So many of them are nothing short of brilliant when it comes reaching... more

All the adoptive parents of children with disabilities who I know will eventually ask me if I believe it is important to work on attachment FIRST, before treating other disabilities. I have this discussion most often with parents whose children have sensory integration issues, FAS, speech delays, ADHD,or PDD. So many of the symptoms and behaviors associated with each of these can be masked by or can mask attachment issues. And so many of the children with these issues who have been in less-than-ideal conditions (i.e. abusive homes or orphanages), have many overlapping issues, including learning disabilities that may not be apparent until the child reaches school-age.

I used to say... more