Many older children who enter the U.S. foster care system have sleep issues. Sleeping issues include trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, night terrors, and bedwetting to name a few. It shouldn’t be surprising that they have sleep issues considering the trauma they have experienced. Many children who have suffered sexual abuse were awakened in their beds from sleep to be raped by a trusted adult. Who knows how long sleep anxiety may last after that type of experience. For those who did not suffer that type of abuse you can still understand their unease.

They... more

When you think about special moments spent bonding with your newly adopted daughter, does teeth brushing come to mind? I wrote a blog a couple of months ago about our 10-year-old daughter finally getting her braces. Here is the link if you want some background. Has Your Adopted Daughter Dreamed of Braces? She was a bit young to have braces but she had lost all of her baby teeth. Her excitement helped to rush the process a little. I have never met anyone so ecstatic about getting braces.... more

Have you adopted a child with passive aggressive behaviors? It can be difficult not to get angry when the child breaks your things several times a week. Perhaps your child is one who seems to enjoy making special messes that you find in the morning. Have you ever noticed that your child’s passive aggressiveness seems to get worse, or episodes more frequent, after one of your angry outburst? Unfortunately, your righteous anger seems to feed their behaviors. Therefore, the secret to reducing or eliminating your adopted child’s passive aggressiveness is to minimize your reactions.... more

I can’t keep from blogging about it. September 11 is a significant day. Around here it’s my wedding anniversary. And that glorious memory was forever altered six years ago. I’m sure each of us has clear memories of that day, also a Tuesday.

As is now typical in our stressful lives here, September 11, 2001 was just one more piece of a high level of stress in our personal lives. On July 31 of that same year my father had died of a massive stroke. Still reeling from that, I sat dumbfounded in front of the TV and computer like many Americans. I had an appointment in downtown... more

If you are parenting children who experienced abuse and neglect in their early lives, do you eventually begin to feel like you are experiencing Déjà Vu? You know that feeling that you’ve experienced, seen, or said the exact same thing before. Do you find yourself getting frustrated, angry, and losing your patience because you’ve gone over the same thing so many times?

I have found myself saying the exact same phrases, so often, that I have actually considered recording them. Then I could have about six different “play buttons”... more

In the beginning, LuLu’s reactions to us were so abnormal, shocking and overwhelming that it was virtually impossible to figure out what was going on with her. All we knew is we had a non-sleeping, self-hurting, tantruming toddler.

One thing that age and the acquisition of language has done is it has enabled her to tell us what she’s thinking. And her healed attachment has given her the ability (sometimes) to trust us with her inner most thoughts.

One of the oddities that still remains is her inability to accept a compliment. Children... more

“So sad for you that you have to deal with it.” These are LuLu’s hateful words to me tonight as I’m trying to blog. We have had a rough day – the two of us alone in a huge, strange city and her melting down frequently. I have given her explicit instructions that she is to watch TV or a movie (of her choice) while I blog, and if she does then we will make a trip down the street for dessert.

Instead, what I’m getting is a mixture of threats, apologies, grunts, and hateful comments about how much “You deserve me!” (Good thing I grew up with strong... more