My 14-year-old adopted daughter seems to be making huge efforts lately to do the exact opposite of whatever I say. She has even taken it to the ridiculous level of not doing things she wants to do that are good. For example, I went through the McDonalds drive thru the other day. As the employee handed me the drinks, I handed them back to the children. Most of them stood up and grabbed their drinks. Most stood up, except for my 14-year-old daughter of course. She refused to take off her seatbelt and stand up and she was in the second to the last bench seat in our 15-passenger... more

Struggling with controlling impulses seems to be a common problem among traumatized children. It doesn’t seem to matter whether that trauma was in utero from drug or alcohol exposure, or inflicted during early life. Our adopted children, with a trauma history, FAS, or RAD, seem to all have struggles with impulse control. Sometimes, it seems like the behavior was intentional.

I have often asked my 11-year-old recently adopted daughter if she thought... more

Ok, Super Dad has tried to tell me over the years. But, I did not want to listen. Why didn’t I want to listen or believe him? I suppose that would be admitting that our daughter is not going to get better. During her first year of living with us therapist, teachers, and foster care workers all praised her progress. Then she turned five and continued to make progress that surprised many. By the time she was six, I believed that her original delays were from lack of early stimulation. Yes, we could fix her and that year we adopted her.

She had always taken... more

A wise friend, Rachel, and I were chatting about our daughters. Both 14-year-old teenagers, both adopted as young children, not infants, both exposed to alcohol before birth. A combination of the Fetal Alcohol exposure, poor early parenting, and possibly genetics has left our daughters challenged. They are challenged academically, developmentally, and socially. That seems to be very common with children like ours. Rachel pointed out that most teenagers are thinking about the direction they will take in life. Most teenagers spend more time with friends and try to... more

When you have children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or effect, you come to expect the good days and the bad. You so appreciate the good days. Sometimes you become stuck thinking that is how your children should act all of the time. You may even think that your children could act that way if they wanted. Probably you are getting a glimpse of how your children would be if they had not been exposed to alcohol while forming. Unfortunately, they were exposed to alcohol and it has messed up their brains forever. Trust me; they are not any happier about it than you are.

While... more

We have a teenage daughter who has FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) whom we adopted at the age of six. Conversations with her can be difficult. Sometimes she misinterprets our words and sometimes she acts before we finish talking. There are even times when we tell her very clearly what she should do, but she does something else. She seems to have preconceived ideas about what she is going to do and doesn't really listen to our instructions. The older she gets the worse these habits seem to be getting. Life with her at home can be quite challenging. I find myself being frustrated... more

Over the 14 years of providing a foster home to children, we have gotten used to many behaviors. You might even be surprised to know what we consider normal that is unless you have been a foster parent to toddlers and older children yourself. The children with passive aggressive behaviors far outnumber the “in your face” outspoken children in foster care. The outspoken children will tell you where to shove it so you know exactly what they are thinking. The passive aggressive children say “yes” to your face, and then break something or make a mess. It no... more

My 14-year-old adopted daughter turned to me aghast. “Why are you trying to make me fail?” she asked. “Why are you accusing me of trying to make you fail Lyn,” I asked softly. “If I had not given you the cinnamon rolls what would you have done?”

“I would have waited until nobody was looking and I would have stolen them,” she actually responded honestly.

“Well Lyn, when you take things without asking, your parents don’t trust you. I don’t like what not trusting you does to our relationship. Therefore, I want you to have all the sugar you want so you are... more

I must be an old timer, if the tune in my head today is Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now. But it’s the background music as I mull over the conversation I had with a friend at dinner last night. She’s a close friend, and she works as a special needs parapro at a local elementary school, doing an awesome job of handling some very challenging students.

She was telling me the story of a student who has returned to their classroom after moving for several months to another school district. The grapevine says that the other district kicked the child out for... more

I have been trying to teach my daughter who is now 14 how to write a sentence correctly for the past six years. I suggested that she read her sentences aloud to know if they made sense or not. She informed Super Dad last year that she refused to use that countermeasure because it was just plain stupid. Her refusal to use this countermeasure has increasingly irritated me as she has worked through five copies of the same third grade grammar and language books never showing improvement.

Everyday, I would look at her work and say the same things. What goes at the end of a sentence?... more