You know, we spend a lot of time discussing our special needs adopted children’s bazaar behaviors and our frustration at their inability to modify their behaviors. These adopted children seem unable to eliminate their problem behaviors even after their parents have consistently responded and doled out consequences for years. My friend and peer in parenting, Rachel, recently made a great point. We parents cannot seem to get it through our heads that consequences will not work with these children, so we continue to dole them out and frustrate ourselves. Another of our respected... more

Does your adopted child lack impulse control? Our 14-year-old daughter with fetal alcohol syndrome, who we adopted at the age of six, sure does. While that has been clear to Super Dad and me for many years, it was blatantly obvious today. She took credits (I’ll explain below) two days in a row for hugging her parents and saying, “I love you,” when she hadn’t done that. Now, if you were going to take credits that you didn’t earn, would you choose that one? Obviously, your parents are going to know if you hugged them or not. I believe it is the result of her lack of... more

Actual conversations that took place today, between my 14-year-old daughter Lyn and me, her adoptive mom. She has fetal alcohol syndrome and learning disabilities and I am homeschooling her.

“Hey mom is this rug dirty?” Lyn asked.

“No, it isn’t” I responded.

A couple of hours later I was putting laundry in the washer and found the rug in the hamper. “Lyn, why did you put this rug in the laundry hamper? You asked me if it was... more

Baby sister was screaming. Our eight-year-old son, Ty, ran to the kitchen holding her and crying. He tearfully said that she got hurt. The 14 year old, Lyn who has FAS, was standing behind him. I looked at her and she said, “I accidentally hit her.” I snatched my baby up and looked at her. Her eye was swelled shut and there was a small cut, just under her eye, that was beginning to bleed. I grabbed an icepack from the freezer and held it to her eye while I dropped into a chair. Baby sister continued to scream for the next 30 minutes while I held the icepack... more

I have been having some frustrating conversations with my 14-year-old daughter who has a learning disability and fetal alcohol syndrome, FAS. Lately, whenever I ask her a question about something, she tells me what she is currently doing. That is frustrating because her response has nothing to do with the question that I asked her. Whether this has something to do with her learning disability or her FAS I don’t know, but I do know that it only started last week. She has been part of our family for 10 years.

Yesterday, for example, she was outside playing army with... more

A reader recently shared her frustration with me about the 24/7 of living with a daughter with fetal alcohol syndrome. A question that plagues many of us parenting children with fetal alcohol syndrome or other learning disabilities is “Are they really confused or choosing to not cooperate?”

My husband and I have had this discussion many times during our 14 years of foster parenting. He has maintained during the entire time that the problem is confusion. He patiently redirects and gives simple directions one at a time so task can be accomplished... more

Well I finally did it. After 24 years of parenting, I finally left a child behind. It happened at church after Vacation Bible School. It wasn’t the baby or toddler as you may suspect, it was the Lyn, the 13 year old with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I’ve mentioned in some of my other blogs, on living with fetal alcohol syndrome, how she frequently requires a personal invitation to join us.

It was the last day of VBS so my family had to stay after and clean up since I am the program director. We couldn’t leave until the entire church was clean... more

Many of us who parent special needs children are concerned about their ability to live independent lives as adults. My pastor’s wife was just asking me last week; what level Lyn was at academically, and what I thought her long-term potential was. No, it wasn’t out of line for her to ask, we’ve attended the same church for the past 15 years. She has known Lyn since we got her a few weeks before her fourth birthday and frequently comments on how far she has come.

Frequently, Lyn makes the mistake of doing what others tell her to do, without checking... more

Super Dad absolutely loves Martina McBride’s voice; well he also loves her eyes. Before fire works, he was switching back and forth between two of her live performances with TIVO trying to decide which one he liked better. Lyn, our teenage daughter diagnosed with FAS, was sitting on the couch beside him, listening to Martina sing and also listening to Super Dad praising her vocal abilities.

It is rather unusual to hear him praise singing or instrument playing because he frequently complains about what he hears on the radio or TV.... more

The other day, two of my daughters were sitting in the shade of a big maple tree with a pile of extra large leaves, probably nine inches long and six inches wide. Sitting beside that pile, they had a pile of long blades of grass, I’d say 12 to 15 inches long. They were using the long blades of grass, to sew the leaves together.

They were sitting on the ground with their legs crossed, chatting in a friendly manner, and sewing. Intrigued, I asked them what they were doing. Lyn, my 13-year-old daughter excited answered, “We are sewing blankets out of these leaves.”

I... more