LuLu’s rages continued and became more frequent. In hindsight I believe she had dissociated for the first several months home. And all at once, like switching on a light, she had come out of that and into a full blown “fight” mode. Her main weapon was to scratch everyone in sight (herself included). Drawing blood produced an odd sense of relief in her.

Words can not describe the panic we felt. We began searching for help in what we felt were usual places…her pediatrician and then a local international adoption clinic. The pediatrician was quick to realize that... more

I was so unprepared for what lie ahead with parenting LuLu. I knew nothing about post-institutionalized children. And there was no one telling me. Our adoption agency did nothing to prepare me (except supply me with a reading list). I clearly remember the only book that hinted at attachment problems, Toddler Adoption: A Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins Best. I remember slamming the book shut, convinced that “that will never happen to us”. The issues she describes in that book are so tame compared to all we’ve been through.

The one advantage that Super... more

A friend asked me if I’d ever blogged in detail about how we “healed” LuLu’s attachment disorder. I have written several times that I know her attachment to us is much healthier than it was, but haven’t necessarily talked about how we got there. I’ve got to tell you that it hasn’t been a direct route. And as I play it back in my mind, although I know that her attachment is greatly healed, I still question which parts are which in a child with so many disorders.

So maybe, if I review it all here, you, my readers, can jump in with any insights. After nearly a... more

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog about my daughter trying to steal a prepackaged cinnamon role that created quite a stir over on the Christian Adoption blog. Kelly from the foster adopt blog commented that from her years of foster care adoption she came to realize that stealing food is about control and not about hunger. A few months ago, we brought back the credit sheet at our house. Children can earn up to 10 credits a day, for turning in schoolwork, doing their chores, putting their dishes in the sink, etc. Every 10... more

John brought up a good point in response to a blog I wrote about my daughter stealing instead of asking. He said, “I have to wonder if being caught is part of the package, not something to be avoided.” What if she is stealing with the plan of being caught? Why on earth would anyone steal with the intent of being caught you may ask? I would say that it is reasonable to assume that she might be doing it for the attention. I hadn’t thought of this before John brought it up. However, when she takes something that doesn’t belong to her, she gets to sit down with both of her parents... more

I actually expected her to show up on Christmas day at grandma’s house. She showed up last year on Christmas day as well as on her birthday and at her brother’s graduation party. I took her gifts with me just as I had the previous year. No, I didn’t invite her. Actually, I cannot invite her. You see she has not given me her address or her phone number since she left home angry18 months ago.

I was a little surprised when she did not show up, especially when her older sister, brother-in-law, and nieces showed up. After all, she lived with them for almost a year after... more

I am not going to do it and you can’t make me do it. My 10-year-old daughter did not say that in words, but you could see it in her eyes, in her stance, and by looking at the work, she had finished so far. We had apparently come to an impasse. I was determined that she would finish her schoolwork and turn it in on time. She was determined that she would finish her work when and if she felt like it, and turn it in when and if she felt like it.

It is... more

In a little less than two weeks, I am slated to give a presentation to the Northwest Georgia Foster & Adoptive Parent Association as part of their first “mini-conference”. I’m honored to be invited. I met their leaders at this year’s NACAC conference, where the Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) was exhibiting. They extended the invitation to speak because their membership has expressed such concern and interest in attachment issues and attachment disorder.

I’m not surprised by this, as attachment issues are common among many adoptive and foster children. Although most won’t... more

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat when the hospital psychiatrist mentioned RAD as a possible diagnosis for LuLu. Not because I’m afraid of that diagnosis by any means. Instead, it’s because I’ve so totally embraced, researched and lived the stuff for so many years that I suspected RAD was NOT what he was seeing in my child. When I asked him to pinpoint the symptoms that would lead him to that as a possibility, he said, because she was adopted internationally.

This worries me a great deal. Those of us who for years have felt like the voice in the wilderness that “RAD... more

Encopresis in children prior to four years of age may be a potty training or developmental issue and typically is not considered a behavior problem. The problem is when the bowel movement is placed somewhere other than into the toilet by the older child at regular intervals, at least once a month. The passage of the stool may be voluntary, involuntary, formed, semi-formed, or liquid.

First, a parent should rule out medical, mental, or developmental issues for the encopresis by scheduling a complete physical and or psychological exam. If the child is found competent then... more