Why do some children just seem to bounce back, unscathed from some terrible ordeal? Sometimes you look at a child and wonder, how could anyone survive that, let alone a small child. When I think about the abuse some of our foster children lived through, I’m filled with awe, when I see them laughing and playing.

I read an article in the newspaper the other day about a little girl’s will to survive. She wasn’t a foster child, but it reminded me of what some of them go through and survive. It happened in Momence, Illinois around June 14.... more

It’s interesting that several of the listserves I’m on right now are discussing how to “get the word out” or how hard it is to make others understand the plight of traumatized children and their families. Although the discussions have taken decidedly different turns on each list, there are several common pitfalls that keep the rest of the world from understanding what these children and families need.

Pitfall # 1: People Just Don’t Know What Trauma Can Do

I’ve said before that if I had a nickel for every time someone... more

“So sad for you that you have to deal with it.” These are LuLu’s hateful words to me tonight as I’m trying to blog. We have had a rough day – the two of us alone in a huge, strange city and her melting down frequently. I have given her explicit instructions that she is to watch TV or a movie (of her choice) while I blog, and if she does then we will make a trip down the street for dessert.

Instead, what I’m getting is a mixture of threats, apologies, grunts, and hateful comments about how much “You deserve me!” (Good thing I grew up with strong... more

I’m in the middle of reading The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog and can barely contain myself with all I want to tell you about it! Nearly every page of the book that I’ve read so far (halfway through) makes me want to jump up and yell “AMEN!” Dr. Bruce Perry’s experience with traumatized children verifies everything I’ve learned about raising LuLu and much of what I’ve heard from hundreds of other mothers and fathers of traumatized children.

I suspect that before the... more

I think one of the hardest things about raising children who have been traumatized is trying hard not to be traumatized yourself. There seems to be two basic ways your children will respond to you and the world; giving you two basic ways to become traumatized yourself.

Some parents are traumatized by vicarious trauma. That is, you become traumatized by listening to, learning about and witnessing the effect of trauma on another person. It is easy to see how this can happen to parents. For anyone who has ever sat through a therapy session... more

I don’t think I’ve shared this story here, but it is a true account of one of my daughter’s trauma therapists, and it speaks volumes about how we (the untraumatized) often react in the face of trauma.

Our therapist and her husband were on vacation on the Georgia coast and were walking along a beach one day, when they came upon a crowd gathered around a dolphin that had become marooned on a sand bar. The vast majority of the crowd just stood there with gaping mouths, almost as if they were in shock at the sight of this distressed dolphin... more

My friend Nancy, an awesome mom, was interviewed for this article that came out in today’s Therapy Times e-zine. The audience is therapists of all kinds – physical, occupational, speech, psychological. And the message is one that isn’t often heard: that trauma is often unrecognized and misdiagnosed as something else.

Faith’s series on adopting abused kids over on Hoping to Adopt confirms this. She writes that even if children are doing well academically in school doesn’t mean that they are unscathed by trauma. She... more

My co-blogger Julie recently did an article on a runaway child, missing from school and it reminded me of the time my own teenager ran away. It was completely unexpected from my point of view, she wasn’t angry, she hadn’t gotten in trouble, and in fact everything seemed to be going just fine, that week. She ate dinner and went to bed happy. Saturday morning when I went to wake her up, she was gone and the bedroom window was open.

Apparently one of her friends had told her that once you turn seventeen the police won’t look... more

I receive a newsletter from the Northwest Neurodevelopmental Training Center in Woodburn, Oregon. I know several parents who have seen very positive outcomes for their special needs children by using the neurodevelopmental reorganization approaches employed there.

This month’s main article caught my eye because it spoke to so many issues faced by families of children with neuropsychiatric disorders. First the intro to the newsletter cited a February 2007 study that says the incidence of... more

I have a four year old that can throw the greatest temper tantrums. I met her when she came into care the first time at twenty-one months old and she could throw them back then too. It usually starts with her demanding something, “RIGHT NOW!” I’m not usually too inclined to “obey” commands that come from children; I prefer the old fashioned please and thank you method. When she doesn’t receive immediate gratification she’ll usually repeat her command again only she’ll add some colorful language.

Sometimes, if the request is... more