Disorders

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is an umbrella term used to describe a range of effects that can occur in a child whose mother consumed alcohol in the pregnancy. FASD occurs in all economic, racial and religious groups around the world. Not all individuals prenatally exposed to alcohol are necessarily affected. Yet, many have physical, learning, and/or sensory challenges that result in behavioral issues. Although similarities exist, no two individuals are affected the exact same way. It is considered a whole body disorder. It is a lifelong medical diagnosis that the child will not grow out of. Although there is much in the media describing isolated tragedies of living with FASD, there are also many, many stories of hope and success. There are over… [more]

According to my brother, the Peace Corps got it right when they said it was “the toughest job you’ll ever love.”  But, I think the phrase could equally apply to motherhood. As an adoptive parent, I never experienced pregnancy and all the fun, pain, and wonder that comes along with it.  Instead, I adopted a daughter from Russia and another from Guatemala with all the fun, pain, and wonder that comes along with that. I love being a mother, but it is the toughest job I’ve ever had…without training.  As I watch them grow into beautiful young ladies, I am struck at how much work goes into raising them. Raising  “normal” child is difficult and challenging enough, but when a child has special needs, such… [more]

For some time, Bunny has been experiencing a reoccurring nightmare.  She dreams monsters come in our house and eat our entire family, except for her.  She is left alone with no parents, no home, and no place to go. The dream follows the same script with a few variations.  Once the monsters burned the house down and roasted us inside.  They have tried smashing the house, but when they were unsuccessful, they went to our barn and ate all of the animals.  The rest of the dream is always the same, we end up dead and Bunny ends up alone. We’ve tried countless times to help Bunny with the dreams that leave her overtired and unsettled.  Once we talked her through a dream… [more]

Sometimes I wonder if I am screwing up my kids or if they are screwing up me.  A part of me has always thought that somehow my mother’s issues became my issues, and as hard as I try not to be like my mother…I’ve become my mother.  Frankly, I think mothers are the reason therapists have jobs. So, as I raise my daughters, I worry how much my issues and neuroses have affected them.  Am I setting them up for years of therapy? Therapy around our house is commonplace.  For the last six years, one or all of us has seen a therapist on a fairly regular basis.  Therapy has helped us diagnosis, understand, and cope with our children’s reactive attachment disorder. It’s not just… [more]

I once had a stress fracture in college.  I was teaching five aerobics classes a week, on a concrete floor, in thin leather dance shoes.  I looked really cute and fit, but the combination was bad for my leg. Stress fractures aren’t an actual break in the bone and you can’t really see them on an x-ray, but they are incredibly painful and if not treated, they can create more complex problems later. I have a stress fracture right now, but it isn’t in my bones. It is in my marriage. I adore and love my husband and I know he feels the same about me, but after years of dealing with two children with reactive attachment disorder (RAD), our relationship is suffering from the stress. My… [more]

Today was the first day of school and after seven years of practice, I think we've almost got it. It's helpful to know your children well enough that you can anticipate their reactions and help them compensate for their weaknesses. I have one in high school, one in junior high and one in elementary school, all with different schedules, start times and finish times. It's a little bit like being in a Paris train station with the destinations, arrival and departure times whipping around the boards continuously. I knew Gavin (10th grade) was going to be very anxious until he actually got to school this morning, so I didn't worry too much about him trying to sleep all day yesterday, or… [more]

Justin, Justin, Justin. He’s calmer and less of a motor-mouth on his new ADHD medication, but we’ve been watching for 11 days and there’s no question that he is much MUCH more whiny and petulant. He had a touch of that already, but it’s so excessive now that I asked the doctor if we could try a new medication. When my oldest son had to start taking medication for ADHD and Depression, it took us a few months to find the right meds in the right combinations. This is only one med and we’re now going to try the one that works for my two older kids so hopefully it works for Justin. I asked Justin his opinion about whether he thought… [more]

Just last week, my 8-year-old started ADHD medication. My older two (15 and 13) had started in junior high. Neither of my older two are hyperactive, so there were no behavior problems in school (other than my 13-year-old talking too much to all her friends). But they couldn’t focus, organize, remember or discipline themselves to stay on task in a six-period day. I had been hoping against hope that my youngest would never need medication. He has had some behavior problems in school (chatty, lots of energy, seeming unwillingness to buckle down and work), but I was hoping they were just normal little boy problems. I told myself I wouldn’t medicate him unless he wasn’t able to function in school and that we… [more]

I attended an IEP meeting with my daughter’s Special Education team recently. For over an hour, I listened to her teachers report on her progress. Most of the teachers were apologetic; even with tutoring and extra support, my girl is still just short of passing most of her classes. By academic standards, she is failing. It’s not for lack of trying; she works very hard. It’s not her fault. Quite frankly, the fault rests with her mother. When we adopted Lena at 6 years old, she was living in an orphanage in Kazakhstan, already labeled by the caregivers as a willful, slow child. Lena is almost 14 now. She’s come a long way from the stubborn, withdrawn little girl we brought home…but… [more]

I haven't been around a lot lately because my husband and I have been on vacation.  As a parent, I have always been a firm believer in taking time away from the children.  As a parent of a special needs child, I think time off should be mandatory. There have been times in the past when I have been driven to the brink of insanity.  Like with most special needs children, there never is a break, because even on a good day you start looking for something to go wrong.  Countless times I have been angry and jumpy for seemingly no reason, but it wasn’t until Elle was diagnosed with RAD did I realize I did have a reason. Many special needs parents suffer… [more]