Self Care

Is it me?  Am I the problem?  Am I the reason my family feels like it is falling apart?  Is it my fault our life feels like a house of cards ready to fall? Logically I know the answer is no.  It is not me, I am not the problem, and it is not my fault.  But, there are days when the answers feel like a resounding YES.  These are the days when RAD has taken over.  These are the days when I question if all of our hard work is enough.  These are the days when I am so tired.  And these are the days when I feel our daughters will never overcome their RAD. However, these are the very days I need… [more]

By nature, I am a worrier. I do it all the time, even though most people who know me--even those who know me well--would never expect to hear such a declaration from my mouth. What do I worry about the most? In a nutshell? My kids. (But what mother doesn't worry, right?) I sometimes get a little carried away in my worries, but for the most part, I do a reasonably fair job of balancing them with the rest of my life. Well, at least I think it's reasonable, anyway. When we adopted Bella, we knew she was born with some special needs. Suffice to say, it's a whole new level of worry for yours truly. Don't get me wrong. Not all… [more]

Hand, foot, and mouth disease (HFMD) usually affects infants and children under 10 years old. It is a viral illness that is considered moderately contagious and last for 7 to 10 days. Like most viral illnesses, there is not a specific cure, nor is there a vaccine to prevent infection. The number of cases has been growing in parts of Asia since March of 2008. In China, the number of cases seemed to peak in May at 176,000 confirmed cases of HFMD. In June, China reported less than 4,000 cases a day. Hong Kong had only report 100 cases as of July 2. Taiwan confirmed nine deaths from complications of HFMD this year and 272 cases. Singapore reported 15,776 cases as of July 2 but… [more]

I am guilty. I admit to running out of children’s Motrin in the past and just giving my child half of an adult tablet. My thinking, like so many parents, was that children need the same medicine as adults, just in smaller doses, because they are smaller. However, that is not always the case. Some medications affect children much differently than they affect adults. When it comes to giving our children medications, we need to remember that they are not just miniature adults. If you are fostering children, or if a child is placed with you, but not yet adopted, you need to be especially careful with administering medications. Your agency can remove your license and remove your foster children from your home for giving them… [more]

If your child has diabetes then his or her blood sugar levels are too high. High blood sugar can damage nerves or blood vessels over time. That nerve damage can result in burning pain or cause your child to lose sensitivity in body parts such as the feet. Because of lost sensitivity, your child may not feel a cut, blister, or sore. Ulcers and infections can result from these untreated foot injuries. Your child’s feet may eventually not get enough blood or oxygen due to damaged blood vessels. It is harder for a diabetic’s feet to heal, when they get a sore or infection. Some diabetics with serious cases have had parts, such as toes or feet, amputated. That is why it is important for… [more]

One thing is for certain, I would have failed the test of loving LuLu is I hadn’t really loved myself first. I’ve written before about agape love and love being an action word…and how hard it is to love unlovable kids. But, to really be able to survive learning how to love a child with challenges (especially if they are extreme and manifest themselves in behaviors), you have to first truly LOVE yourself. There is very little room for self-doubt and low self-esteem in parenting children with special needs. You need all your energy flowing toward parenting this child, not second guessing yourself. And for many of us, this “loving ourselves” lesson is one of the hardest to learn. I was… [more]

Many teenagers in the U.S. foster care system smoke cigarettes. If you have considered older child or teenager adoption, or if you have already adopted a teenager then you are probably aware of this. Today, the “Great American Smoke Out” might be a good day to encourage your teenager to stop smoking. Demanding that your teenager stop smoking won’t work, that will only reinforce the habit. Long lectures about the risk of smoking, the smell, discolored teeth, bad breath, the cost, and the inconvenience probably won’t convince a teenager to quit smoking either. So, what will work, how can you help your teenager to quit smoking? Curiosity might help; find out why your teenager is smoking. If you smoke, offer to try quitting with your teenager… [more]

One of the highlights of my time at the ATTACh conference was the chance to spend some time with Dr. Katharine Leslie, an extraordinary therapist and adoptive mom of four. Katharine volunteered to teach yoga each night to us true novices. (Just how does she get her body in all those positions?) After one of those sessions, several of us moms headed off to dinner. It gave us a chance to get to know Katharine even better. We all shared quite a few laughs about things that could have brought us tears. But Katharine’s overall message rang clear…that moms especially don’t spend enough time thinking about ourselves. She’s a huge proponent of deciding that it’s ok to say “what about me?”… [more]

I will be sharing in my upcoming blogs some of the more academic things I learned at this week’s ATTACh conference and some of the exciting things in store for the organization that has captured my heart…the Attachment & Trauma Network. But this is about practical lessons learned. What I Learned on My Trip: 1. Philadelphia is my least favorite city in the entire country. After spending a week there this summer with LuLu (and enduring several meltdowns a day, lots of walking and TONS of noise), I didn’t think I cared for the city that much. After flying through the airport, complete with layovers and plane changes that required that I go through security twice, I’m SURE I don’t care much for the City of… [more]

One of the commenters on my recent Wounded blog asked: But can you heal while still in the trenches? With really no end in sight? A great question to which my only answer is another question: Do we have any other choice? I don’t think so. We’re backed into a corner, and so are our kids. Children with special needs/disabilities didn’t choose this and neither did we. Our only real choice is to persevere or to throw in the towel. (I wish there were other answers, but have concluded that there really aren’t.) And because we remain in the trenches, the healing process is impeded. If all the pain (our pain AND our child’s pain) stopped today, our wounds would heal… [more]