Does your adopted child lack impulse control? Our 14-year-old daughter with fetal alcohol syndrome, who we adopted at the age of six, sure does. While that has been clear to Super Dad and me for many years, it was blatantly obvious today. She took credits (I’ll explain below) two days in a row for hugging her parents and saying, “I love you,” when she hadn’t done that. Now, if you were going to take credits that you didn’t earn, would you choose that one? Obviously, your parents are going to know if you hugged them or not. I believe it is the result of her lack of impulse control. She decides to act, doesn’t think about it, and doesn’t consider the consequences, just acts.

We reinstated the credit system on Saturday. Each child can earn up to 10 credits a day for doing their household chores, schoolwork, and picking up after themselves. I had nine items on the list and needed one more to make it an even 10, so I asked for input from the children. They decided on an almost freebee, hugging your parents, and saying “I love you.

Every time 10 credits are accumulated, the child earns a dollar. Every time 20 credits are accumulated, the child chooses a candy bar. Every time 50 credits are accumulated, the child earns a soda and 100 credits earn the child a trip to fast food heaven. .” I explained all of this at a family meeting. To discourage cheating, each child was informed individually as well as collectively, that anyone taking unearned credits would receive 10 negative credits. As of tonight, I have paid out three dollars to three of the children, and three children were able to choose a candy bar. Two of the children have only received one dollar.

Our 14 year old, Lyn, explained that she really wanted to earn credits to earn the prizes. Instead, she received 20 negative credits, 10 for each falsified credit, which completely wiped out three days worth of her credits. Ironically, if she hadn’t taken credits that she didn’t earn, she would have three dollars and a candy bar now.

We have this type of discussion with her almost everyday about something. It always comes down to not thinking before she acts. She always gets caught, almost everyday for something, but she never thinks about that before she acts again. In four years, she will legally be an adult and I’m afraid she may end up in prison for this lack of judgment.

Related blogs
My FAS Child Can’t Stop Stealing
Modify the Behavior of Adopted Children by Using Rewards

Photo Credit a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet created by Julia Fuller
November 16, 2007