I’m reading a new book by Anne Ford, called On Their Own. In the first few chapters, she has been addressing her learning disabled daughter’s adulthood. Not a day goes by that she doesn’t speak to her daughter, now 34 years old. Not a day goes by that she isn’t prepared to intervene in her disabled daughter’s life, if necessary.

While I frequently wonder what the future holds for my daughter with FAS, I readily admit that I hadn’t thought about parenting her into her 30s and beyond. At least I hadn’t thought about it until I began reading this book. Yes, I thought about having to keep control of her finances, but not the big picture of continued parenting.

Super Dad and I never intended to do lifetime parenting, that’s why we avoided adopting children with Down syndrome or severe autism. I wonder if other people adopting young LD children realize the long-term potential.

I guess Super Dad was more realistic than I was about our daughter Lyn. I clearly remember him saying when she was about four or five that if we adopted her; she would live with us forever. I’m the eternal optimist and of course believed that with enough love and intervention, I could “fix” her.

I’d like to share some of the phrases in the book that I’m reading by Anne Ford that really hit this issue home for me.

“…the challenges of LD never go away.” “…we cannot fully separate from our adult child with LD.” “For Allegra, to be an “independent adult” means that she lives apart from me and is able to do most things on her own…but not everything. It also means that I do not think of her as fully adult.”

Keep in mind that she is talking about her 34-year-old daughter in these phrases.

Anne Ford gives a very broad definition or rather explanation of LD in her book "On Their Own" that I’d like to share with you.

“LD affects people’s ability to interpret what they see and hear, or their ability to link information from different parts of the brain, because their brain is “wired” a little differently. These differences can show up as specific difficulties with spoken and written language, with coordination, with self-control, or with paying attention. People can have learning disabilities in reading, writing, and math, and in processing information (and they can have difficulties in one of these areas, two of them, or all of them). Most children and adults with LD can read words, but they may not always comprehend the meaning of the words. Learning disabilities can reach into personal relationships, since they often cause difficulty in common, everyday interactions with others.”

Based on this broad definition of LD, my 18 year old, “R” who is academically very intelligent, is LD. I had to switch from unit study style of teaching, to fill in the blank style for her, because she could not figure out open-ended questions. She was unable to figure out exactly what they were asking, and then where to go to get the information.

On the social level, I actually prayed every night for three years that God would give her one good friend. At 15, she hadn’t had a best friend in years; she came across as aloof and snobbish. She hasn’t called me or visited me (other than showing up at Christmas for her gifts) in almost a year now. Her older sister, my oldest daughter with whom I have a very close relationship, told me that “R” cried herself to sleep for months because I didn’t call her after she left home angry.

She has never given me her address or her phone number. I wrote her a lengthy letter and told her that, I also told her how she had hurt my feelings by her betrayal. That was at Christmas time and she has never responded.

Reading this book, On Their Own, has really opened my eyes to the fact that she is LD. Now what should I do about it? She is intelligent, has maintained the same job for three years, completed her first year of college, and now has her own apartment. She continues to struggle with personal relationships and with making social and moral decisions.

How to Get Your Older Adopted Child to Talk to You
When an Adopted Older Child Leaves Home Angry
How to Set Up Your Special Need’s Trust Fund
Photo is a scan of Anne Ford’s newest book, “On Their Own,” “Creating an Independent Future for Your Adult Child with Learning Disabilities and ADHD,” A Family Guide.