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Parenting Children with Special Needs Blog

03/02/07

My FAS Child Can’t Stop Stealing

Posted by : Julia Fuller in Parenting Children with Special Needs Blog at 08:12 am , 546 words, 964 views  
Categories: Homeschooling
money
Do you know how many times we’ve had the same discussion with our daughter? It goes something like this, “If we can’t trust you in our own home in small things, then we won’t be able to trust you to go places and do bigger things.” Then we go over the bigger things. “Do you realize that legally you’re old enough to baby sit, however you never follow the rules when we’re gone so we can’t leave you in charge or home alone?” “In just less than three years you will be old enough to drive, but if you can’t follow the rules at home, then we can’t trust that you’ll follow them on the road either.” To this one she actually had the nerve to say, “What difference does it make, I’ll be alone in my car?” So we had to have the discussion about hundreds of other drivers on the road that would be depending on her to follow the rules of the road.

Although we homeschool our children, we had actually sent her back to public school about four years ago so she could get services. She qualified for weekly speech and occupational therapy as well as two hours of daily special classes for the learning disabled. The first year she was back at public school we thought everything was going quite well. Once she even said, “Can you believe how smart I’ve gotten since I’ve returned to public school.”

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Then the calls and notes from the school began and that’s how we found out that our daughter had a real problem with stealing. First, the teacher called to say she had forged my signature on a permission slip. The teacher was clued in by the handwritten note that said, “She ain’t got no allergies.” A week later the teacher called to say our daughter had taken a project that the class had been working on for a month from the library and presented it to the class as her own. She got away with it until the teacher heard whispers at the back of the class and investigated. She realized our daughter hadn’t even attempted to do the project. Then a note came from the cafeteria. Our daughter owed twenty dollars for charged food. I couldn’t understand this because she packed her lunch everyday and ate breakfast at home everyday, after all I was a stay at home mom. When I called the school to investigate I found out that she had charged and then made periodic payments exceeding a hundred dollars over this school year and apparently had done the same last year.

At first she came up with a really creative story of how she had drawn pictures and sold them at school for ten cents each to earn all the money. She actually maintained that story for a couple of hours before she caved in. She had been taking the cash out of my purse and I never knew it. Oh, there were times when I thought I had more money than I did, but who would suspect on of their own children? That was her last day at public school.


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Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Holly [Member] Email · http://africa-adoption.adoptionblogs.com
You're a braver woman than I. I have an FASD child who is IN public school after years of homeschooling because I just can't be "on" for him and to him 24/7. He lies, steals, vandalizes school property, makes inappropriate sexual comments and gestures, reported me to his teacher for beating him after he got mad he had to sit in time-out for slugging his brother and drawing blood . . . you know. Oh, and he also set our house on fire - deliberately. He caused over $200,000 in damage and left us homeless for months. I need a break. There is no way he can be home all day every day anymore.

PermalinkPermalink 03/02/07 @ 09:08
Comment from: Kelly [Member] Email · http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com
Prayers and blessings for you Holly. Fortunately, haven't lived that one yet.

Julia- We have this same problem with our 13 year old. And since he has no cause and effect thinking, he doesn't get how if he DOESN'T steal for one day, that I don't have total trust in him again.

We have explained this ad nauseum with no effect.

We have never come up with an effective intervention or lesson, and it's something that bothers me less, but is still a trauma trigger point for me.

Prayers and blessings to you as well.
PermalinkPermalink 03/02/07 @ 09:47
Comment from: lmg1567 [Member] Email
I have a 13 year old son who sounds EXACTLY like your daughter. He's been in parochial school, public school and last year a very nice charter school. This past year was the absolute worst for stealing and lying. His teachers wouldn't believe how bad he was until he started stealing directly under their noses. He stole kids lunches every day in addition to eating his own very large lunch I packed. Thankfully the school didn't have a school lunch program or he would have run me into the poorhouse charging up all the junkfood he could eat. The year before last I got his report card and found out he was late to class 24 times in one marking period because after eating breakfast at home he was getting to school, going to the cafeteria and eating a free breakfast (they fell for his, "my mom won't feed me and I'm ever so hungry" line) which always made him late. It's amazing what he'll lie about. I've told him that at some point his discipline will be taken out of our hands and the police will be handling his stealing issues. He doesn't care in the slightest. He steals mainly food, he doesn't hoard it, just gorges on anything (including gum and cough drops). I pray for his future as it looks quite bleak. We'll be homeschooling from here on out so I'll need all the prayers I can get on that front!
PermalinkPermalink 07/02/07 @ 19:13
Comment from: darci [Member] Email
What age do kids with FAS usually begin stealing? I have twin boys and was just wondering.
PermalinkPermalink 11/24/07 @ 15:33
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