Our adult daughter, whom we adopted at the age of nine, showed up last weekend at our teen son’s open house, but I didn’t know it until I saw her on our couch. She had failed to greet me upon her arrival, which didn’t surprise me, what did surprise me was that she showed up. You see she hasn’t been to our home since her angry and abrupt departure nine months ago when she turned 18.

She had a horrible childhood, or so I hear. Granted she was in trouble quite often and frequently had to hear me yell at her. She lost privileges on a routine basis before her behavior became stabilized through monthly visits to a psychiatrist, and various medications, when she was about 15. Apparently, I’ve exaggerated those stories, she was never that naughty, or so I hear.

If I point out that, she maintained the same placement for 11 years without respite care, when many families would have disrupted, I’m accused of seeking martyrdom. When I’m accused of not displaying love or affection for her on a regular basis, I remember the countless nights of tears and prayers, begging God to help me stick it out, just one more day. We did give her every possible opportunity for success that we could think of doing.

Every summer for nine years, she went to two or three weeks of summer camp. When she was 17, she spent 10 days in Guatemala on a mission’s trip. Every Sunday she went to Sunday school, every Monday night she went to AWANA where she earned her Timothy, her Meritorious, and her Citation Award. Once she was old enough, she attended youth group every Wednesday night without fail.

She took horseback riding lessons for three years and piano lessons for eight years. She belonged to 4-H, attended the monthly meetings and then spent a whole week at fair every summer with her animals. She saw a therapist weekly for about five years and maintained contact with some of her birth family members.

Just before she turned 16, we hand picked an establishment for her to work at, based on reports from other parents. When she turned in her application, she was hired on the spot, and began working before her 16th birthday. Then I drove her to work and picked her up everyday for over a year until she saved enough money to buy a car, then took out a car loan for her so she was able to purchase a nearly new car.

Currently she is attending college full-time, free of charge, because she has three different scholarships. I took her to the public school for testing during seventh grade and again during eighth so she could earn the Michigan MEAP scholarship. I filled out all the paperwork for a TIP scholarship when she was in about that grade also, and helped her apply for a scholarship at the local community college she is currently attending. I wish my parents had treated me so badly.

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