I was so unprepared for what lie ahead with parenting LuLu. I knew nothing about post-institutionalized children. And there was no one telling me. Our adoption agency did nothing to prepare me (except supply me with a reading list). I clearly remember the only book that hinted at attachment problems, Toddler Adoption: A Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins Best. I remember slamming the book shut, convinced that “that will never happen to us”. The issues she describes in that book are so tame compared to all we’ve been through.

The one advantage that Super... more

A friend asked me if I’d ever blogged in detail about how we “healed” LuLu’s attachment disorder. I have written several times that I know her attachment to us is much healthier than it was, but haven’t necessarily talked about how we got there. I’ve got to tell you that it hasn’t been a direct route. And as I play it back in my mind, although I know that her attachment is greatly healed, I still question which parts are which in a child with so many disorders.

So maybe, if I review it all here, you, my readers, can jump in with any insights. After nearly a... more

If your child has diabetes then his or her blood sugar levels are too high. High blood sugar can damage nerves or blood vessels over time. That nerve damage can result in burning pain or cause your child to lose sensitivity in body parts such as the feet. Because of lost sensitivity, your child may not feel a cut, blister, or sore. Ulcers and infections can result from these untreated foot injuries. Your child’s feet may eventually not get enough blood or oxygen due to... more

Happy Chinese New Year (albeit a bit late). This is the Year of the Rat, a special occasion in our household, since LuLu was born in the year of the Rat. Unlike what we in Western cultures think, Rats hold a place of real honor in the ancient Chinese culture, and is the first animal of the Chinese zodiac. The legend contents that as the animals crossed the river to the Jade Emperor in a contest to see who would arrive first, it was the rat, clever fellow that he was, who climbed aboard the Ox’s back and then scurried... more

For those of us privately adopting infants this is rather scary news. A new study showed a connection between a mother suffering from severe stress during the first trimester of pregnancy and her child developing schizophrenia later in life. The study identified death, or severe illness that could result in death, of a close relative as a severe stressor. The study did not identify the stress of making a plan for an unexpected pregnancy as a severe stressor. However, the stress involved in planning... more

LuLu emerged from her bedroom this morning with lips coated in a rustic brown color. She has large, full lips and did look a great deal like a Brats doll.

“I look sexy!” she declared.

Rather than panic or even hint at disapproval, I’ve learned to respond to things like this with a simple question, “What does that mean?” If I react with shock to anything, it immediately cements that thing into LuLu’s brain, hardwiring it to be brought up over and over (usually at the most inappropriate times). So fear of LuLu proclaiming herself “sexy” at church, the grocery... more

One thing is for certain, I would have failed the test of loving LuLu is I hadn’t really loved myself first.

I’ve written before about agape love and love being an action word…and how hard it is to love unlovable kids. But, to really be able to survive learning how to love a child with challenges (especially if they are extreme and manifest themselves in behaviors), you have to first truly LOVE yourself. There is very little room for self-doubt and low self-esteem in parenting... more

Happy Valentines Day! How appropriate that this day of love should fall on a “Love Thursday" for all the bloggers here!

Love is quite a concept to contemplate, especially when parenting children with challenges. It is more than the flowers, candy, cards and red hearts that adorn this holiday. It is more than the noun or adjective that it is often used as.

Love is most assuredly a VERB. And as LuLu would tell you from her recent grammar lesson: Love is an ACTION VERB, not a state of being. We refer to it as “being in love”. But that “being”... more

Does your adopted child have difficulty in school, with relationships, and processing information? Have you ever wondered if your child may have been exposed to alcohol while in utero, but thought there was no way to ever know for sure? Some children have facial features that indicate fetal alcohol exposure. Some of these indicating features are small eyes, low-set ears, or lack of a groove between the upper lip and nose to name a few. For children without these features we could only guess about fetal alcohol effect if we did not have contact with birth family. Now Researchers... more

Did I mention that I hate school buses? For reasons I’m sure Freud would be able to explain, I have channeled all my anger, resentment and unresolved negativity about our due process court case with the school district onto school buses. The sight of them makes me cringe.

Today, after the debacle of an endocrinologist appointment, we returned to our neighborhood just in time to…you guessed it…get behind the school bus! Now ours is a large neighborhood, and we live in a cul-de-sac at the very back of it. The school bus makes no less than six stops along... more