One of my readers summed up this whole retaliation issue nicely:

This is such a big problem - way bigger than I ever imagined when I was fighting my losing battle a few years ago.

My sentiments exactly…I had no idea when we became victims of the system how big this problem was, and how many people just don’t know that countless people are being retaliated against by school systems. It’s bewildering at best. Barely a week goes by that I don’t have contact with a parent who has become a victim. The scare tactics are predictable, and usually include one or more of the following:

1. reporting the parents to Child Protective Services. While those of us dealing with attachment and trauma issues with our children are particularly sensitive to this as a horrible tactic causing irreparable harm to our children, it is a tactic used against families of children with all kinds of disabilities. It’s a d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don’t proposition. Parents who seek medical attention for their children, especially if the child requires a lot of medical attention are suspect, as are those who make the decision not to medicate their child. Parents who are open with school personnel about specific issues going on with their child can find these come back to haunt them. (Still, I believe that parents should tell teachers what’s going on with the child and collaborate with as much faith as possible…but document everything.)
2. accusing the mom of Munchausens by Proxy. This happens so often that you begin to wonder if school administrators are watching Lifetime movies all day instead of running their schools. This mental illness, while incredibly serious, is extremely rare. But the obvious scare tactic of discrediting a mother of a child with disabilities by accusing her of CAUSING the disabilities is shameful. I’m aware of this happening three times recently in our state, and suspect that we’re not alone.
3. truancy charges. If your child has been abused at school and you opt to keep him home (for safety) regardless of the enrollment status of the child, you can be subject to truancy charges…or at least the threat thereof. Many states and districts have enacted stronger truancy laws, supposedly to assist in keeping the delinquents in school by penalizing their parents. These laws are being used against parents who are attempting to protect their children.
4. harassment of other children in the system. Many parents report that if they speak out on behalf of their special child, their other children are made to suffer. This harassment can take on many forms, and is usual not easily documented, unless the child is old enough to comprehend the situation.
5. pariah in the community. If your community is small, it’s very easy for school personnel to blackball you. The social pressure can be tremendous.
6. if you work for the school system…woe is you. No one has a harder time of it than parents of children with disabilities who are also school employees, especially teachers. They are treated with the same disrespect and retaliation tactics as the rest of us, but have the added threat of further harassment on the job or even loss of their career and income.

So, just how big is this problem?

The sad thing is that nobody knows. I know that parents are finding me weekly. But these are the few, the brave, the stubborn ones who are fighting back. School systems use these retaliatory tactics freely because they WORK. I’ve talked to countless parents who decided not to fight (instead to move, to homeschool, to accept whatever the school system was offering) rather than endure the pain of a protracted legal battle and the threat of retaliation tactics that would harm their family.

And who could blame them? Those I know who are fighting back, or have fought back, do so at tremendous cost – financially, emotionally, physically. As the parent who commented above said:

This is such a big problem - way bigger than I ever imagined when I was fighting my losing battle a few years ago.

Notice the word “losing” battle. That is a common theme among those of us who fight the system. We are isolated islands, fighting isolated cases against specific school systems. The systems hold all the cards. For a parent to decide that the fight is not worth it and to focus instead on the immediate needs of their child and family is a valid thing to do.

But how and who will stop this????


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