Dr. G’s recent blog on the negativity of many posts on adoption.com gave me food for thought. Dr. G's blogs often do that. If you're not reading her...you should!

How would I fill in the Adoption, ___________ phrase? How can a blog on parenting special needs children maintain a positive tone and advocate for adoption? It is the age old dilemma for those of us who have adopted children who present extraordinary challenges. How do we adequately communicate the realities of our lives without terrifying prospective adoptive parents or just depressing the public in general? How do we educate and enlighten, without evoking pity…or worse yet, fear? How do we convey that despite our lives being completely turned upside down, we are very pro-adoption and believe it is an awesome way to form a family?

My blog, one dealing with the daily realities of parenting a very challenging child with very challenging impairments, is one that could easily be viewed as negative. It scares people. Especially when they learn that we didn’t seek out a child with these special needs to parent. Ironically the one area of special needs we told the agency we were NOT willing to accept was mental/emotional. We were so naïve. By the same token, the depth of LuLu’s disabilities were unpredictable by anyone, really.

I used to be disheartened when we’d get our monthly blog stats and my readership is always slightly below the average. I’ve never been happy with below average grades. But, frankly, I’m not sure what to do about that. While I took it personally at first…maybe I’m not a good writer, maybe my topics are too ____________ or my tone is too _____________. But the truth is, the thought of parenting children with special needs is a difficult one to read about or contemplate as a potential…unless, of course, you are already doing it.

Does what happened in our situation happen to everyone? No, thankfully it does not. There are many, many adoptive families where the children adjust quickly, the parents adjust quickly, the triad relationship is healthy, and everyone goes on to live happy, healthy lives where the kids are “normal” but “adopted”. Just like every divorce doesn’t end up in a custody battle, every adoption doesn’t involve children with attachment disorder or neurological impairments. But just like in divorces, the risks are higher that children will be negatively impacted. The same is true in adoption. To say otherwise would be to inappropriately gloss over the truth.

And those of us who do end up in the topsy-turvy world of raising challenging kids are not, as it might first appear, negative or full of hopelessness. It’s just that life takes on a whole different meaning, different priorities, different goals and challenges.

My answer is: Adoption, What a Long Strange Trip It’s Been!