For the first time in over 20 years Super Dad did not take anyone trick or treating last night. In fact, we conveniently stayed away from our house until after 8 pm, to avoid the throngs of little goblins that usually inhabit our neighborhood. We didn't even carve pumpkins this year. But if we had, they would likely have looked like the ones in this picture.

It was a protective move on our part. Since LuLu wasn’t home with us to do the Halloween thing, it was easier to not see all these healthy kids having such a good time. Instead we took a much-needed date to the movies and out to dinner. We saw Michael Clayton (a good movie). And we laughed at how much we believed the plot line and that with all the legal twists and turns it was somewhat reminiscent of our own legal battles (although no one in our situation has been killed for what they knew…yet.)

The phone call from LuLu was more of a trick than a treat. She was mad at the staff for giving her a restriction and used her phone call time to complain, whine and yell at me. The aide who had spent the evening with her was puzzled by this ramping up right before she talked to me, especially since once she was no longer talking to me she was fine. She reported that LuLu’s evening had been good, that the children had all made Halloween costumes out of paper bags and trick-or-treated the staff. She was quick to say that LuLu’s was the most artistic of all (no surprise).

I’m guessing that most parents who place their children in a psychiatric hospital second guess their judgment of doing so, after the fact. I am definitely there. I’m still waiting for some sign that it is truly helping her. Many of her behaviors are still dangerous. And I’m not convinced much will have changed when they send her home.

Yet, underneath it all she’s still LuLu. The aide told me that she finds my daughter smart, funny, sweet and a precious soul. I smiled and almost said “She gets that from me!” but figured the aide wouldn’t know how to respond. But that is who LuLu is, underneath all that disability. She is so much like the rest of the family. In fact, in so many ways she could be so much like our near-perfect other children, if only…

If only…

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