Have you adopted a child with passive aggressive behaviors? It can be difficult not to get angry when the child breaks your things several times a week. Perhaps your child is one who seems to enjoy making special messes that you find in the morning. Have you ever noticed that your child’s passive aggressiveness seems to get worse, or episodes more frequent, after one of your angry outburst? Unfortunately, your righteous anger seems to feed their behaviors. Therefore, the secret to reducing or eliminating your adopted child’s passive aggressiveness is to minimize your reactions.

However, controlling your temper isn't easy, especially when you feel sabotaged. Would you be willing to try some
anger management techniques if it would help give you the upper hand?

Getting angry with your adopted child negatively affects your relationship. It can even harm your relationships with other family members, friends, and co-workers who may witness your anger, but not understand the repetitive causes. You will need to change the way you express your anger or to whom you express it. Try some of these steps on your own to improve your anger management.

When you find a mess, broken item, or someone tattles, take a "time out." Count to 10 before reacting or better yet, leave the situation altogether to defuse your temper and think of a creative discipline.

Leave the area to do something physically exerting to provide an outlet for your emotions. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights, or shoot baskets.

Find a focus point on the wall and practice deep-breathing exercises. Visualize a relaxing scene, pray, or repeat calming words, or calming phrases to yourself. Start a journal, write down what happened and when, you may need this information for your novel.

Call someone who has a child with passive aggressiveness as well. This person will understand, compare stories, and you may end up laughing.

Think carefully before you say or do anything. Write a script and rehearse it so that you can stick to the issues.

Use "I" statements when telling your child what the problem is to avoid criticizing or placing blame. An example would be, "I'm upset you plugged the toilet with rolls of toilet paper" instead of, "You should not have plugged the toilet with toilet paper."

Try not to hold a grudge. Remember the person is a child who suffered great trauma before coming to your forever family. Forgive because it is unrealistic to expect children to behave exactly as you want. Put something in your pocket, a rock, a note, or a small cross to remind you when you start to get angry. With practice, these anger management techniques will come more naturally and soon you won’t need reminders.



Photo Credit: 2007 Julia Fuller.