In Learning About Trauma from Elephants Part 1 & 2, I shared with you an article about how the elephant populations around the world seem to be suffering from a chronic traumatic stress that is threatening their very society. The article went on to describe the Elephant Sanctuary and their work with stressed-out captive elephants and their research into the effects captivity (and abuse) have had on these animals.

At the sanctuary, caregivers are carefully recruited and trained to work with the elephants in the refuge’s “passive control” system of non-dominance management. At the heart of this method is the development of mutual trust and respect and that enables the caregivers to lead the herd and control the situations. The caregivers allow the elephants a great deal of freedom to do whatever they want within the boundaries of the refuge.

So, if we’re parenting traumatized children, will this approach work? In some ways…yes. At the heart of parenting traumatized children is the necessity of developing mutual trust and respect. This is simple to understand, but often nearly impossible to do. The defensive behaviors that traumatized children exhibit, while geared toward survival are often very dysfunctional (and dangerous) in a family setting. So, I started thinking about the elephant sanctuary and the “giving them freedom” approach that’s employed there. And I started pondering…would this work for traumatized children, especially the very difficult situations where the children have become violent to themselves and others?

While I think there’s much to be learned about dealing with those who have been traumatized by how the caregivers work with these elephants, I think there is an important difference…the desired outcome of the children vs. elephants. These captive elephants have come to the sanctuary to retire from their abused life. The sanctuary is a place where they are given a more natural state to “just be an elephant”. Children placed into a family setting with parents who have been carefully screened to foster/adopt them are also placed in a more natural state “a family to love them”. But the goal is for those parents to raise them and help them mature into responsible adults who are able to function independently in the world, right?

So even though parents of traumatized children first and foremost are trying to build a trust and respect with their wounded child, they have the added responsibility of teaching and guiding this child toward adulthood. And that’s where these parents and the elephant caregivers differ. We must do more than “give them freedom” to act in whatever dysfunctional way their past trauma and any other disorders cause them to behave. We must try to intervene, to give them tools that can be used to help them in adulthood. This includes giving them distinct boundaries…that delicate balance of structure and nurture again.

In so many ways parenting traumatized children is a MUCH BIGGER job than caring for abused elephants (and equally dangerous, by the way). Because someday our child will no longer be in our “sanctuary” but out in society with whatever tools, and lasting dysfunction, he/she has. We have a yeoman’s job to do…first building that trust and respect relationship, then providing tools that enable the child to heal or at the least become productive. All the while, not truly knowing if what we’re doing is working or not, because often these traumatized children respond in ways that are unpredictable.

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