Last summer, I drove with my van loaded with baby clothes and baby furniture across the United States, 1067 miles actually, to meet our new daughter. Her birth mother chose a closed adoption, so we weren’t invited to the birth, but the agency called a few hours after she was born. I couldn’t wait to meet her, so I drove straight through, almost 16 hours, and met her just before she was 24 hours old.

Her birth parents couldn’t release their parental rights until the third day, so she couldn’t be released from the hospital, until then. The hospital staff was wonderful and they let me sit in the nursery for hours at a time holding my new daughter, feeding her and talking to her. My husband flew back home after signing the papers to care for the eight children back home, the baby and I sat at a nearby hotel awaiting ICPC for 11 days.

Well there isn’t much to do when you’re alone in a hotel with a newborn, so I held her, rocked her, painted our toenails matching colors. I tried to take her out on a couple of outings, but she hated going for rides and screamed the whole time. It took us a long time to drive home.

When she was about six weeks old, I would periodically leave her with my husband or our teenagers for a few hours while I worked or shopped. That is when we realized that she wouldn’t take a bottle from anyone except me. She would wait hours for me to return home to feed her, absolutely refusing to take it from anyone else.

Eventually, after several weeks she began to take bottles from the others in our home. I had heard of breast-fed babies refusing to eat for anyone else, but I was surprised a baby who had always been bottle-fed would act that way. I thought she had outgrown or gotten over it, but I was wrong.

Our daughter is 10 months old now and yesterday I took her out to our “drop off” daycare for five hours. She stays there periodically, maybe once every couple of weeks, so it wasn’t complete strangers. When I returned, they informed me that she hadn’t eaten the entire time she had been there and she had only taken brief naps. I sat down and fed her an entire bottle before I left, and then she ate every hour after that, because she was so hungry.

I researched for at least an hour on the Internet and couldn’t find any specific information about babies who will only take a bottle from their mommy. I found one reference to excessive dependence under infant behaviors that may be a sign of disturbed attachment. I wouldn’t say she has excessive dependence on me though because she is very attached to her siblings and daddy, giving them hugs, playing with them, and seeking them out.

I found bottle feeding instructions, which suggested looking into your baby’s eyes, cradling your baby, and talking to your baby during feedings to create attachment. One site suggested that nursing your baby means comforting and nourishing, making feeding time more than just a time for nutrition, a time for special closeness. Well it just seems like the natural thing to do, snuggling your baby when during feedings. It worked well with our new daughter and with our granddaughter who is almost two, she and I have a special bond as well.

Read more on adoptive parenting.
Hoping to Adopt