A wise friend, Rachel, and I were chatting about our daughters. Both 14-year-old teenagers, both adopted as young children, not infants, both exposed to alcohol before birth. A combination of the Fetal Alcohol exposure, poor early parenting, and possibly genetics has left our daughters challenged. They are challenged academically, developmentally, and socially. That seems to be very common with children like ours. Rachel pointed out that most teenagers are thinking about the direction they will take in life. Most teenagers spend more time with friends and try to act or operate like adults wanting to understand the world by themselves.

We both realize Rachel pointed out, that the world is a complex place that demands flexibility and quick judgments by those who desire success. Either Rachel or her daughter sees the world trying to stymie her on a daily basis. I am sure that my daughter feels the same way. Some days she believes that I am the obstacle that hinders her progress or prevents her success. Yes, my daughter has accused me of wanting her to fail. Of course, neither Rachel nor I want any of our children to fail.

They should be able to see that we are their number one advocates. In fact, we have gone to great lengths to help them succeed. We have sought lessons, various therapies, medication, and eventually even homeschooling. Yet, our daughters seem compelled to blame someone and I suppose the evidence points to us, the parents. After all, we did enroll them in the lessons and take them to therapies.

Rachel explained her daughter’s current journey through life so well. I believe that it is my daughter’s current journey as well. She said that her daughter bounces off from experiences and crashing into consequences. So many of the children with Fetal Alcohol Exposure seem unable to predict or remember consequences. They truly seem surprised by receiving the same consequences for the same behaviors even when it is the twentieth time.

Rachel went on to say that, her daughter is generally unable to "step back" and view herself and her direction objectively. Life just seems to happen to her and at her. My daughter tries to dress the part of young adult and can spend an hour fixing her hair. That seems like typical teenage behavior. She tries to socialize with teenagers her own age at church and sports but they seem to have little in common.

Some of the girls she has known for at least 10 years, but while they have matured, she has not. She still prefers to play with our eight year old or the toddlers. She will still argue over legos or a dolly outfit. In three years and three months, she will be a legal adult.



Photo Credit: 2008 Julia Fuller.