Can my learning disabled child get married? Who would consider marrying a person with LD? Should I, as a parent discourage or encourage my learning disabled child’s thoughts about marriage? Who will take care of my adult LD child when I die, if there is no marriage?

Anne Ford covers these and many other questions in her new book, “On Their Own.” Luckily, our LD daughter is only 13, so we have a few years to think about these issues before we have to make any decisions. I don’t think, before reading the book that I really thought about all the ramifications of these choices. I am certainly thinking about them now.

Anne tells us in her book that, “All people can find love and fulfillment in their lives, no matter how disabled they are, but I can’t help feeling that the best match is one that takes these disabilities into account. The most successful dates or boyfriend-girlfriend relationships I have seen in the LD community are between two adults with similar levels of disability who act more like best friends than lovers.”

I can see where a relationship between two disabled people would probably work out better than a relationship with one LD person and one who isn’t. However, when I consider my long-term responsibility for my LD daughter, if she were to marry someone else, equal to herself in mentality, doesn’t that double my responsibility. What if they have children, will I then be responsible for caring for an entire family?

If she were to marry a person without LD, than he would be able to take care of her and her children. That would remove the burden from one of her adult siblings having to take guardianship of her after we (her parents) have died. I don’t mean to seem cruel, but I’m afraid I would have to ask a non-learning-disabled man, why he would want to marry my daughter.

If your LD child doesn’t marry, how do you determine which of your other children should care for her after your death? Since our daughter had nine other siblings, I suppose I should start asking them to find out which one would consider it. Honestly, I never thought about any of these things when we adopted her.

Anne goes on to talk about the resentment your non-learning-disabled children may harbor against you and your LD child. You have focused so much time and energy on your LD child; you don’t realize that your non-LD children may be feeling jealous, left out, or unloved. She says that it is very important to explain to your non-LD children exactly what the problem is with your LD child and why you are putting so much time and energy into their school and appointments. This is especially important since your non-LD children will probably, someday need to take guardianship of your LD child.


How to Set Up Your Special Need’s Trust Fund
Lifetime Adoption – When Your Learning Disabled Child Grows Up
Disabilities or Differences – Pick a Title for the Challenged Child
Smothering Your Friends - A Characteristic of Learning Disability
Photo is a scan of Anne Ford’s newest book, “On Their Own,” “Creating an Independent Future for Your Adult Child with Learning Disabilities and ADHD,” A Family Guide.
Publication Date: May 7, 2007 Newmarket Press