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I continue to struggle with this question: Is sending my naughty children off to a week of summer camp cheap respite care or a reward for naughty behavior? My teen daughter has missed two summers of camp so far, because of her behavior. I have told her repeatedly that if she can’t be trusted, then I can’t send her off to camp. I know she loves camp so I thought the threat would work, but it hasn’t. She continues to sneak and steal when I’m not home, usually within minutes after I leave the house. That tends to give me the feeling that her actions are premeditated. Shortly after I return home, one of the other eight children will tattle on her, and then she will lie about her actions until I find evidence. This scenario has played out more times then I can count and yet, she persists.
I wonder sometimes if my teenage daughter sneaks, steals, and lies because of her FAS. Friends of mine, who haven’t spent much time with her, have suggested this theory. However if that is the case, then how is she able to control herself when I’m at home? An incident that occurred a couple years ago also causes me to question whether FAS controls her behavior. She planned to run away from home, and apparently spent several days planning. She packed her suitcases, cut the screen out of the bedroom window, and dropped her suitcases down, so she could retrieve them later. She had food, money, and matches stashed in the garage.
This summer, I am planning to send her and my nine-year-old to camp, despite the fact that their behavior hasn’t warranted a reward. I need a break from their drama and lies and sending my children off to camp makes me feel like a good mom. Camp is cheaper than respite care and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m imposing on another family. By making the choice to send them to camp despite their behavior, I risk upsetting the children who are going because they deserve to go. I’m currently contemplating that problem, and I think I will give the children who deserve to go, more spending money for the camp store than I give to the naughty children.
Related Reading:
What is FAS or FAE
Should I Try Medication Now or Wait
Adopting Special Needs Children
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Consider that it is extremely stressful for her when you are not home and therefore she’s unable to regulate her behavior in the same that she can when you’re there.
I’m with you for sending her off to camp. Do it for you and worry less about the impact it has on her.
I agree with Nancy. You need the break. Be thankful that your children’s behaviors are such that the camp will accept them (mine is not). But also be prepared for some fallout when they return…mine has a hard time away from me and usually saves up that anxiety to express when we’re back together (much like your stealer may be doing).