Again, there is so much about Amy Eldridge’s open letter to those adopting from China that needs to be heard. And one of those things is that being raised in an orphanage changes who you are. And that being taken away from everything you know (even if it’s not a healthy situation, even if it’s an orphanage) causes further grief and trauma.

Now most people know that on the surface. We laughed during our recent viewing of A Night at the Museum, where Ben Stiller’s character confronted Attila the Hun, who ultimately broke down in sobs as Ben described Attila’s rough childhood and lack of love and affection and how that made him into the person he was. It was humor that everyone in the theatre got. Why? Because whether we want to believe it or not, we all know that not being nurtured as an infant sets the stage for lots of emotional turmoil, and attachment/relationship problems.

Being an infant in an orphanage puts a child at a much higher risk of not only grief and loss issues, but of trauma and attachment issues. Not many who have been around international adoption for long would deny that. Yet, several downplay this…both parents and agencies. Amy says that “Far too many people believe that their child’s life is going to begin the moment they meet them.” If adoptive parents really think that…we are a sorry lot! If agencies have not provided enough pre-adoption education to dispel this myth, well…the blame falls on both sides! Early childhood is developmentally the most critical time. And helpless babies are loved and nurtured not only to meet their physical needs, but their mental and emotional as well. Sadly, adoptive parents often don’t realize the depth and breath of these needs until they bring home their little bundle and see how unmet her needs have been.

Amy’s open letter, though, soft pedals it when she talks about all that many need is a nurturing environment to bounce back. I supposed for some children this is true. Children who survive living in an orphanage are fighters…no doubt. But in our case, so much more has been needed (and yes, I know LuLu won the lottery of disabilities!) I also think, though, that LuLu’s not alone in running a much-higher-than-normal risk of certain disabilities/deficits than she would have been if she’d been my biological child. In other words, post-institutionalized (PI) children just have a higher probability of certain deficits/disabilities. She wasn’t born with them. Take, for instance, these:

1. Attachment/trauma. We’ve covered this, but it is at the core of a lot of the issues international adoptees have. Neglect, trauma specialists report, is often more damaging than abuse. And neglect, even by aunties “doing the best they can” is still neglect. Sleep issues, night terrors, problems with toileting, food issues are all common, and should be no surprise, given the orphanage environments. More severe problems stemming from physical and sexual abuse (admittedly less common) do exist…yes, Virginia…even in China!
2. Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Lack of stimulation of your senses – no movement, no sound, no toys or visual stimulation…no wonder. Yet this basic step of brain development is often impaired in PI kids, and many parents are totally unprepared for this. Note Lauri’s blog yesterday on Living with a Sensory Seeker. Professionals in this country have a hard time identifying the sensory needs and right interventions for PI kids’ sensory problems. Sure, bio kids can have SI problems. But it’s not the same.
3. Communication Problems. These aren’t the same either. Not quite a second language issues; not neatly fitting in the categories of articulation or language disorders, PI kids often show significant language delays. They are also prone to CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder). Again…difficult to diagnose and mitigate…but could occur due to lack of stimulation as an infant.

My point is this. PI kids are NOT the same as bio kids. Sure bio kids can be born with all kinds of disorders, including all those listed above. And sure, some of the children adopted internationally could have been born with these issues as well. But there are too many of them with too many of these issues to deny that the orphanage experience of neglect, abuse, poor nutrition didn’t contribute. And many of these children end up with what I call “the combo platter” …a whole host of issues. Some of which don’t show up until the child starts school or reaches a certain academic level and can no longer compensate for their disability.