Julia’s blog about her daughter’s clothing choices reminded me of how far I’ve really come. You see, I was raised by a mother who was very concerned about my appearance. As the oldest of three girls, I was the beginning of my mother’s quest for the perfect outfits for each of us to be worn at the perfect time. (And once all three of us were born…we were often matching. I’m still suffering the psychological effect of wearing matching bathing suits to the swimming pool when I was 15, sigh.)

My grandmother was a seamstress and milliner. She had a very good eye for fashion, and my mother was her only daughter. We have many pictures of my mother looking like she had stepped from Vogue magazine throughout her high school years. So, when Kay was born, it was a strange combination of genetics and years of training that ensured that she had just the perfect dresses and outfits for all occasions (with matching socks, shoes, hair ribbons, etc.)

My near-obsession with such things used to drive Super Dad crazy. But I must confess…LuLu has effectively eradicated my concern over clothing. Much like Julia, I have resigned myself to the idea that clothes is a battlefield where the fight isn’t worth it.

Julia does an awesome job of describing how some children play a passive-aggressive game with clothing choices. And I’m reminded of the advice from Nancy Thomas that we can’t control what goes in or comes out of a child (or even what goes on the child, in the case of clothing). So we have to pick our battles accordingly.

And clothing is a battle I’ve completely surrendered on. I used to be highly alarmed because LuLu would always choose the wrong seasonal clothing choice. She has worn coats in the summer and put on shorts in the winter. For years I’ve been baffled by this.

LuLu still struggles with her brain interpreting the basic needs her body is sending signals for. She still struggles with what hunger feels like and what to do when you feel it (don’t meltdown…just tell someone you’re hungry.) So I think that part of her unseasonable choices is that she just can’t tell what she’s feeling. Another part appears that she gets either cold or hot and the impulsively takes her clothing choice to the extreme. An example of this would be that she gets cold standing over the air conditioning vent, so the next thing I know she’s got her winter coat on (entirely fastened) and she’s headed to play in the 100 degree weather.

Regardless…I’m so go-with-the-flow these days that nothing rattles me. I sometimes carry the correct type of clothes with me, and allow LuLu to wear whatever she has planned. Sometimes she acknowledges her error in thinking and is pleased that she has an option to change. Other times, I break the rule of letting her hold all the units of concern, and I just insist that she change her clothes (and weather any meltdown or fallout that occurs).

Then there are those times when I just give up or forget about the poor clothing choice. Today is yet another example of that. After lunch today, LuLu stepped back into our classroom and I noticed huge black smudges on her shirt.

“What happened to your shirt Lu?”

“Oh, that’s the black beans from lunch.”

Heavy Sigh! How many times have I told her to use a napkin. So I stupidly say (for the hundredth time, at least):

“Why did you use your shirt as a napkin?” (Why questions are so futile, when will I ever stop asking them!)

Of course LuLu has no good answer to that. Then I make the proclamation that she needs to go change shirts, because we can’t go to the grocery store later with her looking like she does.

Then I promptly forget to enforce the edict. Next time I notice her shirt is as we’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery. Oh great! After each and every person there had time to observe her bean-laden shirt no less.

But, funny thing is, it didn’t bother me that much, really. As long as the critical parts of her body are covered, she doesn’t have bad body odor, and she wears shoes when her feet need to be protected, I don’t get too worked up over anything else.

Would I like LuLu to take an interest in her appearance and dress? You bet! But it’s not a hill worth dying on in our daily battles. Yes, I’m totally aware of how embarrassing (and have even told her so) it is when others see her looking like “ Little Orphan Annie”. But I’m also completely sure that we’ll live to see tomorrow, regardless of what she was wearing today.

Photo Credit: Check out some of my grandmother's handiwork!