My thoughts on the Beyond Consequences book have to be limited to the title at this point, because like I said, I haven’t read it. But I have spent a great deal of time thinking about consequences/restitution. I’m not sure that we can totally move “beyond consequences” – be they natural or enforced by society, even if we aren’t currently using direct consequences ourselves. LuLu has spent nearly a decade in our home and within the next decade will reach adulthood, at some point we must focus on preparing her to function in the world. And that means preparing her for consequences.. The world WILL consequence my daughter’s explosive behavior. Society does not handle those with road rage kindly. Someday the behaviors she exhibits are going to elicit some strong consequences by people outside this family unless she’s able to control them. (Actually this whole school thing and my now forced homeschooling situation would not have likely played out the way it did had it not been for the explosions.)

LuLu and I talk about the impact her explosions will have on her future. I have told her, and she understands, that showing the world anger will get anger in return. Sure her underlying emotion is fear or shame (or both). But look at how the world responds to an outwardly fearful person or a person who cries vs. one who explodes in anger and rage. My daughter needs to know this, needs to understand the impact of this, needs to be given all the tools we can to help her take control and responsibility for these explosions. Sure she’s only 10 ½ …but this is a hard lesson, possibly the hardest thing she’ll ever have to learn/do. So she needs to start now!

To not insist that she learn this, practice this, master this and take responsibility for these explosions…well that would be ignoring my responsibility as a parent preparing my child for the real world, wouldn’t it?
Post-script: LuLu’s explosion on Saturday was a direct result of her raging hormones. She calmly announced that she had started her monthly cycle on Sunday. We waited for more hormonal fallout on Sunday, but it didn’t happen. Her body’s incredible irregularity at this point makes it impossible to pinpoint PMS symptoms. But at least in hindsight her explosion has another causal factor.

Photo Credit