…and the vast majority of us therapeutically parenting know this!

This week on one of the attachment disorder lists I frequent, a mom posted some serious concerns she had about a parenting class being offered by her church. Among other things, she was very concerned that the teachings of this class advocated swatting babies as young as 6 months for things like crawling off of a blanket or touching items. The methodology also promoted “crying it out” as the appropriate way to handle bedtime for all ages.

The list lit up like a Christmas tree with posters supporting the mom, condemning the technique and expressing incredible concern for the children being parented in this manner and the negative impact these techniques could have on a child’s healthy attachment and bonding to his/her parents.

One mom posted a fabulous article (written by the well-known Dr. William Sears) on inflexible religious childrearing advice. The article, by one of the gurus in Attachment Parenting was right on as far as why “crying it out” is such a bad idea:

"Because what we've discovered in recent
years is that babies whose mothers give an appropriate and nurturing
response to their cries learn to cry less. They feel the world is a
friendly, responsive place. But babies who are insecure and don't
know whether they are going to get picked up or not are the ones who
become clingy and whiny. Or worse, they simply shut down, clam up.
Sure, they become 'good' babies, but at the price of their inner
happiness. I don't think that is what you or God want."

I couldn’t help but find irony in this situation. Here was a list of parents of adopted children with what Dr. G calls “attachment disturbances” – ok, many may have RAD. These are the very parents that the APSAC report Nancy’s been blogging on cautions may fall prey to coercive therapies. Yet here they were quick to respond in mass to this report of “abusive” parenting techniques being taught to the mainstream. They were quick to recognize the importance of this early infant bonding and the potential dangers of not meeting the infant’s needs.

All I can say is “WOW” what an awesome group of parents I know! Adoptive parents ROCK! Especially those who have come to recognize attachment disturbances in their children and are actively working to heal them. These parents have stepped into a world where their emotionally disabled children are requiring Herculean efforts to heal their traumatized scars. They completely grasp the impact abuse and neglect has had on their children and are actively creating an atmosphere of nurture and structure, so attachment can occur.

Yet, so many times their efforts are misunderstood, taken out of context, exaggerated, sensationalized, and vilified. Detractors of attachment therapy and therapeutic parenting paint these parents at best as being duped into following “cult-like” abusive therapists and at worst as being cruel child abusers themselves. Nothing could be farther from the truth…

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