Did I mention that I hate school buses? For reasons I’m sure Freud would be able to explain, I have channeled all my anger, resentment and unresolved negativity about our due process court case with the school district onto school buses. The sight of them makes me cringe.

Today, after the debacle of an endocrinologist appointment, we returned to our neighborhood just in time to…you guessed it…get behind the school bus! Now ours is a large neighborhood, and we live in a cul-de-sac at the very back of it. The school bus makes no less than six stops along our street as it winds through the neighborhood. At each stop, elementary school children hopped joyfully off, in most cases greeted by smiling moms, cooing baby brothers and sisters and their pet dogs.

I’m completely envious of this at each and every stop. I convince myself that it is deep sadness over what LuLu is missing out on. After all, she’ll never ride that school bus, stepping off and chatting with friends. Most of the neighborhood children walk the other way when they see her coming. And that’s part of it. But the truth is that it is deep-seated envy over what everyone else has; and takes for granted, that I don’t have. At least some of those parents (maybe all) don’t give it a second thought that every Monday-Friday their child will board that school bus, go to school, and return. Many have probably never been called by the principal to pick up their suspended child. I’d venture to say that nearly all of them have never taken the school district to court. And each day, at 2:30 they walk to the corner to retrieve their child, who has received a whole day of academics taught by someone else.

Yep, I’ve crept over into out-and-out pure jealousy. And I’m pinning it all on that #$*$% school bus! I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, because just as quickly as I have that green-eyed thought about all my neighbors, I realize that I have no idea what issues they are struggling with. I don’t necessarily see their child’s hidden disabilities, nor do I see the financial woes, marital strife and job problems that each and every one of them may have.

Instead, my envy of what appears to be a carefree life of walking home hand-in-hand with their elementary school cherub on a nice sunny day is all I see from behind that big yellow bus.

Yep…the pity party has definitely begun!

The party will be short-lived, though. LuLu needs my attention, and I have to go check the computer to plan tomorrow’s lessons…

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