This article is making the rounds on all the adoption discussion groups I participate in: When Adoption Goes Wrong, from the December 17 issue of Newsweek magazine.

The core of the article is the story of Peggy Hilt and her daughter, adopted from Russia, Nina, who at age two was becoming increasingly aggressive and violent toward her older sister (adopted from Russia as well). Peggy was depressed and turned to alcohol, and eventually snapped; killing Nina in a rage.

Shocking? Yes. But what does this story, and the subsequent commentary and information about Joyce Sterkel, who runs the Ranch for Kids, a ranch for “disturbed internationally adopted children” (the way the article describes it) and those of Karyn Purvis, a therapist working with traumatized adoptees really say to the public about adoption?

Well, the feedback on this article so far is definitely mixed. People’s comments are coming from all over the board to comment on adoption, child murder, post-partum depression. The ones that are surprising me the most are the ones with such deep loathing for those of us who have adopted internationally. It’s like some people take that as a personal anti-American assault. This always surprises me. Of course the article, because it’s centered on international adoption, doesn’t make the point clear that children adopted from foster care have many of the same issues with trauma and abuse.

But, being an experienced “veteran” of many of the things that can go wrong in adoption, either through our own experience or through the sad experiences of many parents who contact ATN for support, I am questioning what good an article like this does in Newsweek? The article, from my vantage point, is truthful at presenting the complexities of what can go wrong, specifically with internationally adopted children. (Although what’s being described is undoubtedly the results of trauma and could be defined as Reactive Attachment Disorder, so it applies to domestic adoptions too.) But, how does the public knowing this sad story of the Hilts and the total disintegration of their family and tragedy of a child’s death help adoption, or even those of us parenting children with challenges?

The part of me that wants to believe that all people view adoption as a positive way to make a family says that this article will reach out to those who are hurting and encourage them to get help. This is Peggy Hilt’s wish:

"If I knew then what I know now," she says, "I would have gotten help for Nina and for me." The best she can hope for now, she says, is that her story will prompt others to seek that help before it's too late.

Another part of me hopes that agencies will hear the cry for more and better training of prospective adoptive parents, just like what Karyn Purvis recommends:

Very few agencies are training parents to deal with brain damage, sensory deprivation, aggression," Purvis says. "A lot of these parents are smitten with the hope that they'll make a difference in a child's life, but they need very practical tools. I consider myself very pro-adoption. But I'm also very pro informed adoption. "

But as I think about the comments this article is receiving, I wonder if its intended purpose will be lost on many. If instead it will cause people to turn away from adoption or to further view adoptive families as different, strange, something less-than? Will parents who need help be further judged and chastised for not being able to put up with their children’s challenging behaviors?

So, today, the truth-telling mom of an adopted child with hundreds of challenges is torn. Can I understand Peggy Hilt’s plight? You betcha! Do I think Joyce Sterkel and Karyn Purvis are heroes? Of the highest magnitude! Am I pro-adoption? In a heartbeat! Would I wish our struggles, LuLu’s struggles, on anyone? (Do I even have to answer that one?)

I suppose the truth about how hard we all struggle with parenting these traumatized children will ultimately set us all free. I can picture the faces of the 25 or so parents I spoke with last Saturday, and see all the pain, grief, confusion, fear and exhaustion that I know Hilt and so many of us have felt. I know that adoptive parents need to know that they are NOT ALONE and to be pointed toward resources and support. But I wonder how much good articles like the one in Newsweek really does?

In reality, it probably does a bit of both good and harm. There will be families who recognize themselves in this article and take action to get help. (Although other than contacting Joyce or Karyn, I’m not sure how they will find help from the article.) And there will be people whose opinion about adoption will become negative, or more negative than before, and it will effect the adoption community as a whole.

Sometimes I wish there were black and white answers when it comes to the challenges surrounding adoption. But all I see an increasingly diverse shading of gray.

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