Have you adopted an older child either from foster care or internationally? If you have, does your child smother friendships? Many of these children suffer from low self-esteem. Therefore, they feel the need to buy friendships. One of my adopted daughters took gifts to a friend every week. They were not expensive gifts. She took things she had made like beaded jewelry, key chains, or bookmarks. She took personal belongings such as lip-gloss or lotion. After several weeks, her friend began to think her behavior was strange. That is when I found out about it because her mother wanted me to know.

At school, she felt that she had to share her lunch or money everyday with other students. She would give money away, or buy popcorn for her friends every week on popcorn day. Of course, most children will not turn away free money or gifts. We all know that you cannot buy friendships though. Many children pretended to be her friend when she had money. Then make fun of her at recess or on the bus ride home.

Another daughter would smother any potential friendships. The minute another person showed any interest in being her friend she wouldn’t leave the person alone. She would call 10 or 20 times a day. She would invite herself over to their house. She was spending nights or weekends, with someone she had known for one day. She knew she was sabotaging the relationship, but she couldn’t seem to control herself. After I had seen this happen several times, I began warning her. That didn’t work though she couldn’t stop. She behaved the same way whether it was a boy or a girl. It chased the boys off a lot faster than the girls though.

It is difficult to watch your child struggle with friendships. No doubt, it lowers her self-esteem continuously losing friends. If at some point, you can raise your child’s self-esteem the smothering behaviors may diminish.


Related post
How to Set Up Your Special Need’s Trust Fund
Lifetime Adoption – When Your Learning Disabled Child Grows Up


Photo Credit: My family at © Cedar Point on the Mantis 2005.