I'm on a "vacation" of sorts - off to Kansas City to attend my grandmother's funeral. It's completely relaxing to be sans LuLu for the next few days. I have no guilt saying this, because sometimes other family business takes priority over the constant parenting of a special child and it is nice to spend time with my family unencumbered by my everyday responsibilities. Plus, I've left her in the capable hands of my awesome hubby. He already had vacation scheduled since next week is spring break. No exotic beaches for us. We were planning on sticking around the house and immersing ourselves in home repair.

So, at the crack of dawn this morning, I trekked to Hartsfield International and prepared to catch my flight. In line at the ladies room, I noticed a mother and her young daughter (probably 5 by my guess) waiting in line. When the daughter got into her own stall, the mom began with a litany of instructions and a tinge of anxiety in her voice:

"Don't touch the door handle."
"Don't let your pants touch the ground."
"Use one of those paper toilet seat covers, like I showed you."
"Don't touch the back of the toilet; it will flush automatically on its own."

Feeling a bit overwhelmed, the girl gave a slight whimper. The mom (voice raised) replied:

"And Don't Panic!"

Hmmm...I pondered this interaction and realized it was a perfect example of how all our children feed off our emotional states. My child, given her emotional disabilities, is a magnifying glass of my emotions. But, assuming I was observing a neurotypical child (and nothing in her behavior would indicate otherwise), this child was obviously picking up on the anxiety her mother felt about germs in the public restroom. Not to mention the difficulty at age 5 of processing so many commands at once or of maneuvering that blasted paper toilet seat cover on to the seat.

The irony of telling her in a more intense voice, "Don't Panic" was not lost on me either. Has anyone been able to NOT panic when told "Don't Panic!" It's like, "Don't peek" or "You can't have any more." It demands that you do just what you've been ordered not to do -- and even those of us without Oppositional Defiant Disorder know that!

I wondered if this mom realized that at that very moment she was deeply imprinting this child. For the rest of her life, this girl will likely remember that public restrooms are a dirty place and that it is wise to be a bit nervous about exactly what you're going to catch in there. Cognitively, this isn't a bad message, because germs are real, illness is real, and hundreds upon hundreds of people from all over the world use the restrooms at Hartsfield International. BUT, emotionally this message was a bit overwhelming.

Let's put it this way -- it provoked anxiety in me. I was nervous for the little girl and waiting for further signs of anxiety from her. And it brought out the opposition in me as well. Just for spite, I didn't use one of those troublesome paper toilet covers! I took my chances.