The room was eerily quiet during our Sunday School lesson yesterday. I admit it was not what I expected either in our study of the fruit of the spirit. We were wrapping up fruit # 1 – Love. The video series focused on our “fear of love” from the standpoint of rejection.

Now being the mom of a child who has healed significantly from attachment disorder, I’m all over this rejection business. I’m all over this fear of love thought process. The presenter (Beth Moore for those of you looking for an awesome Bible study!) started the session by declaring the following:

All we need to create an environment for rejection is relationship.

What a simple, yet profound, statement. It does sum up what I know about Attachment Disorder…avoid a relationship at all cost…don’t risk the rejection yet again. Push people away before they can get close to you. Make yourself as undesirable as possible!

Beth even referenced the rejection of adoption in her talk. She talked about adoptees being profoundly affected by the rejection of their birthparents (perceived or real) and that regardless of being adopted (chosen) by a family it was human nature to focus on the initial rejection and not on the subsequent adoption, or being chosen.

That whole topic felt a bit awkward, sitting among so many who had little experience with adoption and viewed it from the outside. But especially since I was sitting right next to one of my friends who placed her daughter for adoption many years ago (20+), a fact I’m sure was not known to many in our class. Both of us shifted uncomfortably in our seats, and shot each other knowing glances.

The thing that I marveled at was how completely silent the room was during the video. No one spoke, only a handful laughed at the presenter’s light humor. The seriousness and deep emotions were evident on the faces of all. It was obvious that everyone in that room understood the risk we take when loving someone and the pain of rejection.

Given that, it still amazes me that our society doesn’t grasp the severity of the trauma inflicted on a child through abuse, neglect, and multiple placements. If we can “get it” about our own fear of rejection…why can’t we see how much worse it is for our kids?




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