We’ve been back in regularly scheduled trauma therapy with LuLu for a couple of months now. It was definitely time. She’s reached puberty, and due to the nature of her abuse as an infant, all kinds of feelings and memories have surfaced. And due to the other therapies we have done, such as neurofeedback and HBOT, she is now more able to access and process those emotions.

One of the things the therapists have been working on with us is getting LuLu to visualize a successful future and work toward changing her pervasive negative self-view. She obsesses on thoughts of jail and being a criminal. Frankly, I'm right there with her sometimes (shame on me). In the midst of one of her rages or meltdowns all I can think about is how this type of thing will keep her from ever being able to hold a job, have a marriage, live independently. That coupled with her learning difficulties and her social impairments often overwhelm me. I truly don't want to look very closely at the future...it scares me.

The therapists want us to steer her toward imagining a positive future and envisioning the steps that get her there. They are right in that if we feed her positive images of herself as a grown up we are able to nurture that small flicker of hope that lives inside of her. LuLu can be highly motivated to work hard. They suggested building a scrapbook of what she wants to be when she’s a grown up (a doctor) and the pieces that need to be in place to get her there.

While I’m all over the scrapbook concept, another opportunity presented itself a couple of weeks ago. The Atlanta History Museum in conjunction with AT&T was having an essay contest for elementary kids. The topic was “My Dream”. And the theme was to focus on something you believe needs attention or perhaps needs fixing. Then to describe how you might personally make a change or improvement.

Below is LuLu’s essay in its entirety. She was not contacted, so she obviously did not win one of the cash prizes. But both her therapists and I consider her a definite WINNER. (Grab some tissues, you may need them!)

My Dream: Helping Children and Babies when they are Abused

It is my dream to help other babies when they are abused. Because I was abused, I’m going to use it for good. I was starving and scared in the orphanage. It felt scary and I got angry. I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt helpless.

Kids who are abused can become angry. So angry that they become abusers. Or they can hurt animals. Anger looks like kicking holes in the walls, yelling, or calling others and yourself “stupid”. Sometimes kids draw angry pictures.

Or they can feel ashamed. Sometimes you may feel like trash, and you may feel worthless. They can make bad faces and feel tense. They might even scratch themselves, cut themselves, or pull their hair out or shave it off.

Children do not ever deserve abuse!!!!! So my dream is to stop that. One way to do it is to encourage people to adopt children and babies from the orphanages. They can go to Vietnam, Russia, Guatemala, China or Africa.

The adopted parents should snuggle the children and change their diapers and love them. You should feed them three times a day. Kiss them when they are sick and give them medicine. Nurture them and hug them on the way to school. Say “I love you” at anytime. Tell them a story about their future. Give them some therapy if they need it. Massaging with lotion calms them down. Hold them tight when they’re sad or crying.

Another way to help abused children is to catch the abuser. Calling 911 or reporting child abuse is a good, necessary thing.

I hope to help parents by being a good therapist when I grow up. I would ask the parent to give them neurofeedback. Neurofeedback is brain exercises that help you concentrate and help you calm down. I would give them peaceful, loving care and talk it through and give them some tools to get it under control, when it’s necessary. If I was the therapist, I would help them get sensory toys to take home and feel because this helps them to calm down.

The most important thing about child abuse is to quit it! Grown-ups should be taught to be loving and caring and nurturing, even if they’ve been abused when they were babies. It’s still not ok to do that to the babies.

Using it for good....hey that is what it's all about, isn't it?

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