Last week LuLu damaged some of Kay’s toiletries in a move of pure jealousy. It was not the first time. LuLu, in the height of her puberty, has decided that Kay is the target of her frustration. It is sibling rivalry in which the sides are definitely uneven. Kay does nothing to provoke these incidents, but her response is so dramatic that LuLu gets a “thrill” out of upsetting Kay.

No amount of explaining the logic of staying calm to Kay seems to be working. Kay’s logic is that she’s not “doing anything” to LuLu, so why should she have to put up with LuLu “doing things” to her? LuLu’s logic is that Kay has a perfect life and LuLu has so many challenges – that green-eyed monster is working overtime.

Because I clearly remember what healthy sibling rivalry looks like from my own childhood, my inclination was to stay out of the first few rounds. But last week’s incident called for intervention. The solution was to separate the two of them into different bathrooms. Because we have the luxury of a bathroom in the basement, LuLu has been reassigned to use the basement bathroom. After a few hours of moaning that she hated taking showers and not baths (no bathtub in the basement), she acquiesced.

Frankly, I thought there’d be a bigger battle. After her initial anger subsided, LuLu and I talked about the choices she’d made to get her to this place and how she needed to respond to this consequence by following it and reflecting on her actions before she actually does them. Kay and I made plans on how to keep her bathroom locked.

For the entire week, LuLu has honored the bathroom reassignment, by going downstairs without complaint. In fact, Kay hasn’t been locking her bathroom, but LuLu never even attempts to use it. I’ve been watching like a hawk, but trying not to appear obvious. LuLu is showing such glimmers of integrity. And LuLu has proclaimed that she likes showers just fine because they’re faster.

My heart is singing, observing this conscience my daughter has developed. I hear from so many parents whose children are not as far along in conscience development and would test the locked door or find other ways to retaliate against their sister or parental authority. LuLu’s previous mode of operation would be to just fuss about the consequence ad nauseam; making everyone miserable for weeks. Instead, she has issued her apologies and made restitution and is now living with the bathroom consequence. So, mom has announced that over spring break, since the bathrooms were slated for redecorating/remodeling, that each girl can help me decide how to redo their bathroom. It’s important that LuLu see positive consequences for positive actions. And besides, I was very undecided what to do with the basement bathroom.

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