Blogger’s Note: This post is theological in nature. I knew no other way to convey what I learned today. And since this is my blog, I guess my theological perspective is what you’ll hear.

My Sunday School class is in the middle of a study on the fruit of the Spirit. I was thrilled with the prospect of studying Joy. Now there’s a fruit I need more of. Love, got it; Patience, growing nicely thank you; Self Control, a struggle, but winning more often than not. But JOY! Where is joy in the often-bleak life of special needs parenting?

So far (three days into the lessons on joy) and I’m not impressed. I was hoping that the study would somehow miraculously put joy into my life. You know, that carefree joy you had when you were in college and it was Friday afternoon and the weekend was ahead of you – no responsibilities; no worries!!! Instead, this study is teaching me something I think I may have already recognized in my soul, but just don’t want to acknowledge…that true Joy comes from true suffering. YIKES, I don’t want to know that!

“Count it all joy…” the scriptures say. The author of our Bible study points out that some trials and suffering can only be attributed to the will of God, that He is allowing us to go through it. That’s not a very popular opinion of God in today’s society – a God that allows suffering. A God that allows child abuse, mental illness, starving children, financial ruin due to medical debt, our loved ones to die of diseases. It is at this point that many of us rail against just such a God. “How can you?” “Where are you?” We cry.

But, looking beyond that we find that the only way to know Him is to know His suffering, which is greater than all this. This is where the author tells us that “good does not equal easy”, another concept not readily accepted in our society. “You deserve a break today” is our society’s theme song, so how can doing things the hard way be good?

The author goes on to say “The closest friends I have are those with whom I’ve ‘suffered’ in one way or another.” Ain’t that the truth! Is that not the basis for every support group ever formed? Then she asks, “Are you making use of your miseries by allowing God to turn them into ministries?”

At that moment, a flashing neon light went off in my head. I’m getting the point of this lesson. YES, that’s where the JOY is! It wasn’t the joy (small “j”) that I was hoping to find, the carefree happiness I can vaguely remember before all the struggles of special needs parenting. But the truth is Joy abounds from helping others struggling with the same issues that we struggle with. It gives our suffering a deep sense of purpose if we’re able to use it to help others.

I would love it if I awoke tomorrow and all of LuLu’s disabilities were gone. Or even that I awoke and all our problems with the school had been settled. But regardless of those realities in my life, there are places to find Joy. Joy is when a parent emails me a “thank you” for suggesting that she bring someone along to her IEP meeting, or for blogging on an intervention I’ve found useful. Joy is when a parent tells me they no longer feel alone in their struggles, or calls me to share their child’s latest accomplishment. Joy is the growing love and trust I see in LuLu. Joy is looking Super Dad squarely in the eye and marveling about how strong WE have become to have endured all that has come so far.

This is not what I had hoped to learn about joy…but it is what I have learned. Good does not equal easy, and there is nothing easy about parenting special kids. But that’s ok. Joy is still there, and sweeter than ever.

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