Do you ever struggle with yourself over being a good parent versus being a bad parent? For example, if your child really wants to play soccer and you can’t afford it, or can’t transport because of your work hours, so you don’t let your child play, do you feel like a bad parent?

I find myself in this type of quandary about some discipline issues with my special needs children. Do I use the same discipline with them that I use with our average children? If I do, is it fair to them, considering their mental disabilities? If I don’t use the same discipline method, am I setting them up for adult failure, and is that fair to them?

Do you think if your special needs child is exceeding the posted speed limit, and is pulled over by the police, the officer will say, “Oh, I didn’t realize you have FAE, please, go on about your business, and don’t worry about a ticket?” Do you think if your special needs child socks a coworker, the boss will say, “That’s ok, we won’t press charges, it isn’t your fault; it’s your bipolar disorder?” Absolutely not! As adults, our special needs children will be forced to comply with the world’s minimal standards of behavior, or they will go to jail, just like average people.

Our home is comprised of special needs children and average children. When one of the special needs children breaks a rule, destroys property, or hurts another person, our average children expect them to receive the same discipline they would receive. If they don’t, then the average children feel ganged up on, disadvantaged, upset, and think the world isn’t fair. I know; the world isn’t fair!

Our home life is the epitome of routine and consistency. So much so, that I’ve often thought about making recordings of my most frequent request and responses, because I say the same phrases numerous times throughout the day.

Here’s a list of what I say every day. “Get up.” “Get dressed.” “Take your medicine.” “Get breakfast.” “Brush your teeth.” “Do your morning chores.” “Do your schoolwork.” “Get lunch between 11am and 1pm.” “Do your housework at 1pm.” Everyday, you’d think they would catch on after a few years…grin.



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