The children have been called and supper is on the table. Dad asked if anyone prayed and then there are a couple of volunteers. While sitting around the table some are chatting, someone’s getting ketchup, someone else is getting milk, some just dig right in and start eating. That’s when we notice that there are only eight children at the table, one is missing.

We didn’t give our daughter with FAS her individual, special invitation to join us at dinner which she requires at every meal. Usually I make hints; like potatoes taste a lot better warm than cold. I don’t know why I continue to do that, why can’t I just say, “Honey you need to eat, too?”

My husband likes to berate me for doing that as well, for years he’s been saying, “Just tell her exactly what to do.” You should know by now that hints and innuendos don’t work. Nor is it profitable to ask “why” questions and expect a logical answer or anything other than “I don’t know.” So why do I continue to do it?

It’s Sunday morning and everyone has eaten breakfast, and dressed up in their Sunday best ready to load up into the van. I make the announcement that it is time to get into the van.

Someone grabs the diaper bag, another grabs the baby and out we go locking the door behind us. After a few minutes all the children are buckled up or strapped into car seats and then I put the van into gear.

That’s when someone notices that she isn’t in the van. We failed to give our daughter with FAS her individual, special invitation to join us in the van which she requires every time we leave the house.

I have considered making a recording of some of the phrases that I say several times a day, and then instead of repeating myself I can just push the button for that phrase.

Just think, then I wouldn’t have to worry about my tone of voice when I say it. It would just always come out in a nice even tone, direct and to the point. No extra baggage attached to the phrase that may cause hurt feelings, won’t help my cause, and definitely will add to the ever present state of confusion.

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