Just like parenting special kids requires you to stay delicately balanced between structure and nurture, surviving the holidays with special kids requires you to be balanced between flexibility and tradition.

There are scores of books and articles out there on the importance of building traditions into your family’s celebrations. Super Dad and I reminisce often on our own families’ holiday traditions and our children always listen with rapt attention. I brag continuously on how awesome Halloween was in a small town that allowed us the safety and freedom to trick-or-treat to every house, receiving delicious homemade treats while the parents congregated on one family’s large front porch to sip cider. It is a tradition that can’t be replicated these days.

Traditions give our holidays structure, which is comforting to everyone, especially special kids who often need high structure and to know what is expected. Granted, some children, even though they NEED structure, will work hard to sabotage plans if they know about them ahead of time. Because you are all talented and experienced parents, I’m sure you will know the right way to present (or not present) your holiday plans to your special child to keep anxiety levels low and success high. Regardless, having traditions IS important.

So, how do you have traditions in non-traditional ways?

Theresa, a former blogger on the Adoption Parenting blog and mother to a very large family, shared a wonderful Thanksgiving idea that works for families of all sizes, with children of all types and unexpected schedules and behaviors. Her family has a Thanksgiving picnic. Here’s what she had to say:

I love that it's different. It's easy. It's cheap. It requires little planning.

It can be carried out with kids at all behavioral levels with simple accommodations. Plus, there aren't a lot of other people to worry about "offending".

Good days can add additional activities. Less good days can be "eat and run".

It's flexible to add or delete attendees at moments' notices.

The best part is that it allowed us to start a new family tradition. We didn't live up to (or not live up to) previous family events, expectations, memories (bad or good).

It's brand new. And it's just ours.

Which brings me to another important point – don’t be afraid to start your OWN tradition! What Theresa did was come up with a flexible way for her family to do something special and still be able to accommodate all of her children’s special needs. And it worked…they liked it…and it’s become their own special family tradition.

We have dear friends who go camping over Thanksgiving with their extended family. While I can’t see the joy in cooking a turkey over a campfire, their whole family revels in this tradition.

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