Comments on: How to Parent an Inflexible Child http://special-needs.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-to-parent-an-inflexible-child Contains information on various special needs from the unique perspective of the adoptive parents of special children. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:07:41 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Julie http://special-needs.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-to-parent-an-inflexible-child/comment-page-1#comment-1574 Julie Tue, 15 May 2007 04:47:10 +0000 http://parenting-sp.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/14/how-to-parent-an-inflexible-child#comment-1574 Thanks Nancy - it's good to have confirmation that CPS works.<br /> <br /> "I don't think kids can learn from being held responsible for things they can't control." <br /> Agree!<br /> <br /> "The longer a kid goes without a meltdown, the better the chance that he or she will start to redefine herself as a kid who stays in control."<br /> Exactly! It is VERY hard not to feed their well-established negative self-image. But redefining themselves as a child who is able to be in control is so VERY important! <br /> Thanks Nancy – it’s good to have confirmation that CPS works.

“I don’t think kids can learn from being held responsible for things they can’t control.”
Agree!

“The longer a kid goes without a meltdown, the better the chance that he or she will start to redefine herself as a kid who stays in control.”
Exactly! It is VERY hard not to feed their well-established negative self-image. But redefining themselves as a child who is able to be in control is so VERY important!

]]> By: nancyderen http://special-needs.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/how-to-parent-an-inflexible-child/comment-page-1#comment-1573 nancyderen Mon, 14 May 2007 23:05:34 +0000 http://parenting-sp.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/05/14/how-to-parent-an-inflexible-child#comment-1573 The "A, B, and C basket" approach was taught in one of the pre-adoptive trainings I took, along with other bits of collaborative problem-solving, and I think it may have been one of the most valuable parenting tools I have learned. My daughter seems to have a lot in common with Lulu, with lots of meltdowns, OCD, PTSD, sensory issues, learning issues, etc., and for me, identifying and letting go of the C basket items enormously reduced my stress at the beginning of the adoption process two years ago, when she was 12. I periodically have to remind myself to update the baskets, because as she makes progress, I unconsciously start to expect more from her and react more to behaviors I was accepting previously, so I have to stop and re-think my priorities now and then. It helps me a lot to remidn myself at times, "OK, this is a really annoying behavior, but it is a C basket item!" I don't think kids can learn from being held responsible for things they can't control. IOt just leads to more frustration and likelihood of giving up and seeing oneself as a bad kid. I think this approach of trying to reduce the meltdowns is enormously helpful for the kids who truly do lack control at times. The longer a kid goes without a meltdown, the better the chance that he or she will start to redefine herself as a kid who stays in control. The “A, B, and C basket” approach was taught in one of the pre-adoptive trainings I took, along with other bits of collaborative problem-solving, and I think it may have been one of the most valuable parenting tools I have learned. My daughter seems to have a lot in common with Lulu, with lots of meltdowns, OCD, PTSD, sensory issues, learning issues, etc., and for me, identifying and letting go of the C basket items enormously reduced my stress at the beginning of the adoption process two years ago, when she was 12. I periodically have to remind myself to update the baskets, because as she makes progress, I unconsciously start to expect more from her and react more to behaviors I was accepting previously, so I have to stop and re-think my priorities now and then. It helps me a lot to remidn myself at times, “OK, this is a really annoying behavior, but it is a C basket item!” I don’t think kids can learn from being held responsible for things they can’t control. IOt just leads to more frustration and likelihood of giving up and seeing oneself as a bad kid. I think this approach of trying to reduce the meltdowns is enormously helpful for the kids who truly do lack control at times. The longer a kid goes without a meltdown, the better the chance that he or she will start to redefine herself as a kid who stays in control.

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