My daughter, as well as many other people in the world, cannot accept the blame for anything she does. Today, during a discussion about a school assignment that she didn’t turn in, she made the following statement. I have been asking God to help me, but he isn’t! I can tell you for sure, that her behavior will not change, if she doesn’t own her behavior. If she will not take responsibility for her actions then she cannot change them. This has been a major blocking point that has prevented my teenage daughter from improving her behavior.

She refuses to take responsibility. Today it was God’s fault but usually, it is either my fault, or it is the fault of one of her siblings, but never her fault. When she has been caught lying, stealing, or not doing her work then she puts on the “poor me,” face. She goes off to her room to sulk feeling sorry for herself.

I asked her today if she had made a list of her school subjects that I suggested a few weeks ago. “I did make it,” she whined with her hands in the air, “I stuck it on my mirror.”

“Do you look at it everyday,” I asked. “A list can only help you if you look at it everyday.” Her response was to look at the table because she hadn’t checked her list.

I have told my children that I use a planner and that I look at it everyday, sometimes several times a day. Of course, they know that, they see me looking at it all the time. They have heard me say, just a minute, I need to check my planner. I thought it might help them to use one, if I told them why I use it.

I picked up several extra pocket size calendars the last couple of years for each of them. I suggested writing all of their appointments, assignment due dates, and weekly lesson dates. Previously, I made a spreadsheet for Lyn so she could check off her assignments, chores, and lessons when completed.

Unfortunately, she won’t use them. A person needs to recognize that a problem exists and have the desire to change the cause. In order to do that, a person would need to own the problem. Frequently, I use my parking example when I explain this to my children.

I frequent the same stores ever week. I have a regular area where I park at each of these stores. I have explained to them that I do this so I won’t lose my vehicle. I can never remember where I parked. As a countermeasure, I always park in the same area. Of course, if I drive the 15-passenger van I can usually see it towering over all the other vehicles, so I rarely lose that.

I really want to give my daughter the tools that she needs to succeed in life. I have less than four years left, before she becomes a legal adult.

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007