As you probably know if you’ve been reading this blog, Nancy and I are at the NACAC conference. It’s great to be able to spend the days together. Nancy and I work daily on the effort that is ATN, but we rarely get to be in the same physical place with each other while we’re working.


It’s fun though, to see our completely different styles, completely different strengths and weaknesses. Both Nancy and I have a heart for frazzled parents and for their traumatized, challenging children. Both Nancy and I love advocating for families, reaching out to help those who are struggling with finding ways to address their children’s needs and let them know they’re not alone.


But our styles are vastly different. Nancy is the quintessential extrovert. Working the exhibit hall is like putting Nancy in her natural element. For me, it takes a lot of my introvert energy. I love to meet people, but don’t think nearly as fast on my feet as Nancy.


Same when it comes to direct support of families. I love to support them; but greatly prefer to support families through email or face-to-face than on the phone. Nancy, on the other hand, takes tons of phone calls...crisis calls, from adoptive moms and dads, many who face huge challenges and decisions, like placing the child in a hospital, a residential treatment center or whether or not to disrupt.


So Nancy, after a full day of talking to everyone at NACAC...adoption workers, guardians, therapists, social workers, foster parents, and yes even those who have aged out of the foster care system, she took a call from a mom whose teenage boy likely needs to be placed out of the home.


I watch her in awe of her energy. She’s drained and so am I. We talk about how to draw boundaries around our lives. I tell her that my introverted personality insists that I proclaim “I’m closed,” when I’ve been swamped with talking to people, especially people with heart-wrenching stories needing our help.


It’s hard to get a perspective on all this pain traumatized children and the families who love them face. But I think that without declaring “I’m closed” every once in a while, it’s even harder. In fact, as I told Nancy, I declare myself “closed” to my own children on a frequent basis. LuLu is extremely high maintenance, and sometimes I just “hit the wall” parenting her, especially on the days when I’m dealing with many of the other challenges in our lives.


So, my children understand when I announce, usually late in the evening, that “Mommy is now closed, and if they want me to tuck them in they’ll go to bed now, or if they want to stay up, they’re on their own until morning.” (Of course, common sense would dictate that doesn’t happen during the school year.) The point is, if you’re a “giver” you have to draw some boundaries on yourself so you have something left to give.


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