I’m in the middle of reading The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog and can barely contain myself with all I want to tell you about it! Nearly every page of the book that I’ve read so far (halfway through) makes me want to jump up and yell “AMEN!” Dr. Bruce Perry’s experience with traumatized children verifies everything I’ve learned about raising LuLu and much of what I’ve heard from hundreds of other mothers and fathers of traumatized children.

I suspect that before the book ends, Dr. Perry will explain the interventions his team has found most successful. But, for starters, what he has to say about patterning is directly related to the importance of establishing and maintaining routines and repeating a child’s missed developmental stages.

Dr. Perry explains that the brain works in a “use-dependent” way. “Use it or lose it” truly is the motto for brain development. So, it stands to reason that if a child has missed a developmental stage or not received the early child hood nurturing and stimulation (i.e. grown up in an institution or with neglectful caregivers), the part of the brain where relationships is developed is grossly underdeveloped. So, strong, consistent, persistent patterning is needed to override this huge deficit.

From my vantage point, this is why attachment therapies work so well for some children. I know I’m treading on controversial ground here, but many attachment therapies promote regression and “re-doing” certain emotional developmental stages. And for many children intense physical nurturing and focus on missed developmental stages work wonders. As I listen to Dr. Perry explain it all, it makes perfect sense.

The answer I haven’t read in the book yet…not discovered in my life…is how much repetition is enough. We’ve been re-parenting our kid for coming on 9 years (although, admittedly, I knew little of what I was up against for the first couple of years). But when will what we’re doing be enough? And how will we define success for our traumatized child? This is the $64,000 question, isn’t it? It is the question each and every one of us is asking. Both Nancy and Cindy have blogged it recently.

And I find myself re-committed to be more physically affectionate, to insert more positive reinforcement, to capitalize on opportunities to connect with LuLu, heart to heart.