Please offer your honest opinion as adoptive parents and as birthparents. Is it mean to deny an adopted child sugar? Would your answer be different if the child had plenty of sugar before entering your family as an older adopted child? Then would it be mean to deny the child sugar until adulthood? Would your answer be different if the child was a birth child? Honestly, I struggle with this issue. My teenage daughter entered our family as a four-year-old foster child and we adopted her at the age of six. Several years ago, we realized that sugar has a profound effect on her ability to function and began limiting her sugar intake.

When she has too much sugar, she cannot do her schoolwork. As I correct her schoolwork, I can tell when she has had too much sugar. She’ll be doing “A” or “B” work and then suddenly all of her work will be “D’s” and “E’s.” She is 14 and currently failing four of her six, fourth grade classes. Her household chore is vacuuming three rooms on the main floor of the house. When she has too much sugar, she forgets to do one or two of the rooms. When she has too much sugar she fabricates long-winded stories and tends to yell at everyone. Therefore, we don’t usually have to see her get into the sugar, because we can all tell.

I’m sure that all of you parents know that when a child is denied something it usually becomes a source of conflict and control. Several bloggers on Adoption.com, including myself, have blogged about their adopted children sneaking candy. My daughter seems compelled to steal, sneak, or beg candy whenever possible. If she can’t steal candy, she will steal the money to buy it.

I have tried giving it to her in moderation so she won’t feel left out. Unfortunately, one piece of cake seems to fuel her need for more. She cannot seem to stop herself. If she has one Popsicle, it leads to five, one cinnamon roll leads to three. Once she starts, she cannot control the need for more sugar.

One reader suggested that I remove all sugar from our home and cook sugar free. While this would certainly make the whole family healthier, would it solve the problem? In the past, she stole money from my purse and bought the sweets at school or bribed friends at church. By denying her sugar, am I making things worse by turning her into a thief and a liar?


Related blogs
Why Should My Teenager Ask When She Can Steal?
Modify the Behavior of Adopted Children by Using Rewards
Does Your Adopted Child Lack Impulse Control
Why Are You Trying to Make Me Fail? My Adopted Daughter Asked

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2008