I am curious if “me first syndrome” is one of the symptoms of fetal alcohol exposure. My teenage daughter has always suffered from this syndrome of me first, as did one of my now adult daughters. When they were quite young, I assumed that they would grow out of me first syndrome. I thought back then that it was caused by the depravity they had suffered so early in life. I suppose that may be part of the cause, which is probably compounded by the delayed maturation that many of our traumatized children experience. Then you add in the lack of impulse control so common in children with fetal alcohol exposure and the likely result is me first syndrome.

Me first syndrome isn’t so bad at dinnertime or bath time. However, it can be dangerous at other times. When we are getting in or out of the van, comes to mind, as an example with potential harm. My daughters have pushed small children out of the way to be the first in or out of the van. We have had toddlers and young children stepped on or pushed to the ground by their over a hundred pounds sister in her attempts to be first in the van.

Children have been shoved to the side in doorways, by a big sister needing to be first into a room. Today, Ty was shoved against the teeter-totter leaving welts on his back because his sister couldn’t wait for him to move. He yelled for her to stop several times, but she needed an encyclopedia obviously, an emergency to her.

She has shoved past me in the kitchen, as I carry a tray of hot food for dinner, just to get into another room to sit down. Wherever she is headed, she is on a mission, and doesn’t let anything, get in her way or slow her down, no matter how trivial.

I have explained to her, as I did her now adult sister, about taking turns and treating others with respect. I indicated that their behavior was appropriate in an emergency, but not at any other time.

At church, we sometimes have song and Bible drills where you jump up if you know the tune or found the verse. Lyn is always the first to jump up, and then she stands there saying ummm, ahhh, for a minute, then says she forgot, and sits down.

Whenever her class at school or church is taking turns reading aloud, she always raises her hand to read first. Then, she is always happy that she had a turn. She mispronounces half of the words but that doesn’t bother her, as long as she got her turn. I thought, as she got older she would be embarrassed to read in front of her peers, but that isn’t the case.

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2006